


Incredible as You

by takingovermidnight



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cute Phan, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phan AU, Phan Angst, Phan Fluff, Phanfiction, gbf dan, highschool phan, phan high school au, popular boy phil
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-30
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-08-18 14:46:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 23,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8165614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/takingovermidnight/pseuds/takingovermidnight
Summary: After what feels like years the bus pulls up to the school. I instantly bolt to the bathroom. Any way to get away from the group. I can’t let them to notice how upset I am. I lock myself in a stall and try to control my breathing. Usually when they would pick on people I feel a little nauseous, but the way I feel now is excessive; even for me. Why do I care so much about this specific kid? I don't even know him.





	1. Prologue

It is only  the first day of Junior year and Phil is already dreading school. He doesn’t mind going to class that much it’s just the people there who make him feel sick to his stomach. Throughout his life he has been branded as popular boy or a jock, even though most plants are more athletic than he is. He was just put in that group because when he was little those were the people he chose to hang out with. They're all he’s ever known, but once middle and high school came around he realized that he really didn’t have much in common with them like he did when he was little. Phil wanted new friends, but no one wanted to be friends with someone branded as a jerk other than, well jerks so he has to stick with the group he has. It could be worse though, he could have people picking on him. He’d rather be their friend than one of the kids they beat up daily. Even if that meant hearing and even pretending to support them picking on others.

  
Dan was the polar opposite. Up until the end of his sophomore of high school Dan was a nobody. This was the first year Dan was able to get out of bed with a smile on his face. Everything had turned around for him when he came out as gay. Usually the opposite happens to others, but not to Dan. After he came out a lot of the most popular girls in his grade just started talking to him for no reason asking him things like where he liked to shop, what his favorite drink from Starbucks was, who he thought was the cutest guy on the football team was, ect. At first He was confused about why they all started to like him, but soon realized that it was because they wanted a “gbf” (gay best friend). He didn’t really mind that. At first they may have only befriended him to seem more tumblr or to seem like loving and accepting people, but they really did enjoy his presence. Besides, he’s just happy to have a group of friends for once in his life. The girls are actually sweet to him, but he knows that being friends with them is risky. They may seem cheerful and sweet, but can make your life a living hell if they really want too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I hope you enjoyed that really short prologue. I probably won't update this fic much yet because I'm still in the process of mapping out the story and am working on my other phanfiction too. (You should check it out. Shameless self promo). But yeah hopefully you're intrigued and I'll try to update asap even though I'm a bit preoccupied.


	2. A Rocky Start

**Phil's POV**

 

I stand at the end of the street waiting for the school bus and review the screenshot of my schedule on my phone. I feel as if I am going to faint and I haven’t even gotten on the bus yet. You just have to make it until the weekend I tell myself.  Besides it’s not like they’re that bad. I get on the bus and sit in the back where all of my “friends” are.

“Woah, Lester I haven’t heard from you all summer,” One guy says.

“We thought you were dead,” another one laughs.

“No I was just on a holiday with my family,” l lie. In reality I just avoided them during the summer. It was the one time that I could get away from everything that makes me miserable. Thank god after I respond they change the topic to god knows what so I can just tune them out. I put my earbuds in and listen to Muse. Hopefully they’ll see that I’m listening to music and not expect me to talk to them.

“Hey Lester,” a guy says interrupting the music.

“Yeah, what,” I stammer taking my earbuds out of my ears in order to better hear him.

“You were like gone all summer so you like probably don’t know this, but all of the girls started hanging out with some fag.” he snarls.

“Oh really, why the hell would they do that?” I fake-laugh. In reality whenever I hear one of the guys make a homophobic comment I just want to throw myself out of the nearest window. I just always fear… No that’s ridiculous. I’m not gay. I have girlfriend, I don’t like guys, I just feel bad for the people that my friends make fun of. That’s it.

“Yeah, I have no fucking clue why,” A different guy interjects, “They must be doing community service, helping the disabled or something.” The entire group roars with laughter and they continue to spill nasty jokes about this poor kid that I don’t even know.

“I heard he paints his nails because he thinks he’s a princess one guy hoots.

“I heard he’s never actually been with a guy before,” another adds.

“I heard he has a crush on Matt!” someone else interjects only to get punched in the face by Matt.

“Just look at him Lester! He’s basically a living joke!” A guy yells pulling up a picture of the boy from what is presumably his instagram and shoving it in my face.

“Wow,” I choke out, “What a freak.” Once the words leave my mouth I feel a hole burn through my throat as if the words were acid leaving my mouth. I regret every word I said and for even pretending to laugh about the boy. The worst part of being friends with the most popular guys in my year is having to put up with the way they treat others. I don’t really care about what the guys say about me because I’m used to it. Besides friends make fun of each other all the time. If they say nasty things about me and others who are in the group it’s always just joking. It’s just when they say nasty things about a kid they don’t know it would make my throat close up. You’d think I’d be used to it by now, but it still pains me when I see the group picking on an innocent stranger.

After what feels like years the bus pulls up to the school. I instantly bolt to the bathroom. Any way to get away from the group. I can’t let them to notice how upset I am. I lock myself in a stall and try to control my breathing. Usually when they would pick on people I feel a little nauseous, but the way I feel now is excessive; even for me. Why do I care so much about this specific kid? I don't even know him.

“Ok Jess just give me a sec. I have to use the bathroom.” A voice interrupts my thoughts. The door creaks open and I try to remain silent. If anyone finds out that I’m crying in the bathroom I’d be in a shit load of trouble. Word at this school spreads like wildfire and I don’t want the whole school to know that bad boy Phil Lester was crying about some random gay kid. What would they think of me? Would Alexa dump me? Would everyone think that _I’m_ gay?

I try with my life to keep quiet, but I can’t control myself and lightly sniffle.

“Are you alright?” The boy who had just entered asks. I stay silent. Nobody can know it’s me crying. “Okay… well if you need anything I’m just gonna be in here for a while. Sorry for like intruding on your privacy. I get it school sucks.”

“It’s fine,” I reply. Shit. Did I really just talk. There goes my reputation. Right down the drain.

“Well it’s nice to know you can talk,” The boy jokes, “I’m Dan by the way. Just thought you should know.”

“DAN HOWELL?” I ask louder than intended. Shit, why can’t I just keep my mouth shut. Now he must think I’m a stalker or something.

“Um yeah… how do you know me?” Dan asks very confused.

“Um… I… uh….” I have no clue how I should respond. What am I supposed to say? Oh yeah me and my friends were shit talking you on the bus. “You’re friends with me and some of my... uh my friend’s girlfriends.”

“Oh,” Dan replies.

“Sorry I must sound like a creep.” I manage to say. I’m supposed to act like I look down on him, even if I do feel bad for him. What if he goes and tells his friends, and my girlfriend that I’m a gay kid who stalked him in the bathroom. Well that might be an over exaggeration, but still. He doesn’t know I’m gay… because I’m not.

“No it’s fine I get it,” He responds calmly. He’s totally going to tell all his friends about this, “What’s your name?”

“I’m Phil,” Well now he’s definitely going to tell. There’s no going back now. Phil Lester gay stalker found crying in boys bathroom. That’s what everyone will be talking about come lunch time.

“Phil Lester, is it? I think I know you from some of my classes last year. You’re Alexa’s boyfriend right?”

“Yeah. Weird I didn’t know who you were until this morning. I didn’t know we had classes together before.”

“Yeah,” His voice becomes a bit sad, “Are you going to come out of there?”

“Yeah,” I say unlocking the door and exiting the stall. “I wasn’t crying if that’s what you thought because you seemed concerned. I just have a cold.” I fake another sniffle.

“Oh, sorry,” His face reddens, “Well nice meeting you I guess.” He sticks out his hand as if he wants me to shake it.

“Nice meeting you too,” I reply grabbing his hand and shaking it, “nice nails by the way.” Looks like the rumors were true. Well at least that one was. Although I don’t see it as a bad thing. I actually think they look nice and it’s good that he’s happy. I feel the need to be as nice to the boy as possible knowing the things that are said when he isn’t around. I also feel need to make up for the things I said on the bus even if I didn’t mean them and he didn’t hear them.

“Thanks,” He blushes. He lets go of my hand and goes back to fixing his hair in the mirror probably what he was doing back while I was in the stall as well.

“Bye Dan,” I say leaving the bathroom and entering the hall. Only to be greeted by my girlfriend, Alexa.

“Hey Phil!” She cheers hugging me, “I really missed you over the summer. How was your holiday?”

“It was great. I missed you too babe,” I reply returning the hug back. Alexa is great. She’s really nice, pretty, and outgoing; but she can be a bit excessively perky and a bit clingy at times. I’ve kind of gotten used to it because I’ve been her boyfriend for 2 years now. I can tolerate her more than my friends. She may be annoying, but at least she isn’t mean to people. At least when she’s around me.

“What do you have first?” She asks. If we’re near each other you can walk me there.”

“Umm…” I look down at my phone and see I have art, my favorite class, first. none of the guys take because it’s “too gay” so I’m guaranteed not to be stuck with any of them in my class. “I have art.”

“Oh,” She makes a pouty face, “of course I have english which is literally on the opposite side of the building.”

“Maybe I’ll see you in the halls later. Well I’ve got to got to class now, don’t want to be late on the first day. Bye baby,” I say kissing her goodbye.

“Bye Philly!” She chirps as we walk our separate ways down the halls. Geeze people take high school relationships way too seriously. I’m literally going to see her at least in a few hours during lunch.

I look down and double check my schedule just so I don’t walk into the wrong room just like I did during both freshman and sophomore year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope chapter one delivered. I'm still not 100% sure where exactly I'm going with this one, but hopefully that will make it more fun. Yeah that's really it. I hope you like it.


	3. Anyone But Him

**Dan's POV**

 

I walk into my first period art class and sit down at a table. I don’t see any of my friends in the class which is odd because most of them are taking art. 

“Hey Dan, how was your summer?” my art teacher Ms. Hayes asks. She is my favorite teacher ever. In the past before I had any friends she was really the only person I ever talked to. Sometimes she’d let me have lunch in her room with her so I wouldn’t have to sit alone. She was also the first person I came out to back when I was only a freshman. To think I didn’t tell anyone else until I was a sophomore. 

“Hi Ms. Hayes, summer was great! I went on a holiday to America with my family. I also got invited to a lot of parties.”

“Look who’s Mr. popular now,” She jokes, “well it’s nice to know you enjoyed yourself.”

Once the bell rings I assume that none of my friends are in this class. Oh well, it’s not like being alone was anything new for me.

“Okay everyone for our first assignment we’ll be doing self portraits and incorporate things that describe ourselves in them. You can be as creative as you want and use whatever materials you would like. You have the next few classes to work on it. So get started.”  Ms. Hayes explains.

I put in my earbuds and listen to Kanye. Then I start sketching my portrait. 

“Sorry I’m late Ms. Hayes,” A deep, husky voice states, “I went into the wrong room.”

“Typical Phil, always getting lost.” She chuckles then explains the assignment to him individually. PHIL. I knew that voice from somewhere. Why would he be doing art? None of the popular guys ever did art except in freshman year for the credit. Maybe he just didn’t get the credit yet? But Ms. Hayes knew who he was…

“Oh, hey Dan,” He interrupts my thoughts, “mind if I sit next to you? I don’t really know anyone else in the class.”

I take out one of my earbuds and stammer, “Yeah….sure,” my voice cracking making me sound like I am still going through puberty. 

“Cool.Your sketch is really good by the way.”

The room feels as if it just got 10 degrees hotter. My cheeks burn and probably have a pink pigment. “Thanks, yours too.” WHY? WHY DID I SAY THAT? HE LITERALLY JUST ENTERED THE ROOM. HE DIDN’T EVEN GET A PIECE OF PAPER YET! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME! I put my hands on my face, look down, and just contemplate why I even consider talking to people. He must think I’m such a creep.

“Ha, I doubt mine will be any good once I start it,” He chuckles, “I’m not really much of an artist.” He doesn’t seem phased by my awkwardness. He’s so calm and cool unlike the socially awkward trainwreck that is myself. I study him a bit more and realize how I never really noticed how attractive he is. I guess it was because I tried to avoid him and the other guys for basically my entire life.

“Then why did you take art? It’s not like any of your friends take it.”

“I dunno, I guess I like the chill atmosphere. It’s a nice break from all of my other classes you know?”

“Yeah, it’s really relaxing. What are you going to draw?”

“I’m not sure probably just my face and a cool background, there’s nothing really that special about me so I don’t really know how to personalize it. How about you.”

I want to yell at him about how untrue that is. Sure he may be seen as just one of the jocks, but he seems like so much more. I mean he actually talked to a lowlife like me. That makes him pretty damn special as it is. “I bet you’ll think of something,” I respond, “I think I’m going to draw myself with that flower crown filter from snapchat in black and white and then the background will be like rainbow song lyrics or something.”

“Oh wow that sounds really cool. What songs?”

“I don’t know random lyrics maybe Kanye or Muse.”

“I love Muse.”

“Really?” WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON. Could this get any better? I get really giddy like a little kid does when they get a christmas present. We spend the remainder of the period talking about common interests we have. Turns out he’s a huge anime fan just like me. He’s much less of a stereotypical popular boy than even he may have thought. Interests aside what I really can’t stop thinking about are his piercing blue eyes with little flakes of gold and green in them. They go so beautifully with his midnight hair which is actually pretty similar to mine. Literally everything about him is flawless. 

Towards the end of the period we get yelled at by Ms. Hayes to at least look like we’re trying to do our projects. Phil and I apologize and stop talking for the last five minutes. I try to work on my project as diligently as he does on his, but I can’t think of anything other than him. I know this whole having friends concept is kind of a new one for me, but I never got this nervous talking to the girls. Nor did they ever distract me from anything. That’s when it hits me. No. Anything but this. It can’t be, but it is. I have a crush on popular, straight, bad boy Phil Lester. 

Okay no need to panic I’ve always wanted to date one of the popular boys like all of my friends do. There are few problems though, LIKE HOW ALL OF MY FRIENDS ARE GIRLS AND ALL OF THE BOYS ARE STRAIGHT. Also Phil is already in a long term relationship with my friend Alexa. Well I’m sure she wouldn’t be mad if he suddenly realized that he’s gay and started dating me. Okay that’s a bit of a stretch, Phil isn’t gay. I just have to keep reminding myself of that so I don’t fall down the crush hole. But how am I supposed to not fall down the crush hole if I have to stare at his gorgeous face everyday in art. 

The bell rings and I gather my books to go to second period. “Bye Dan,” He smiles getting his stuff and walking out of the door. 

“By Phil,” I mumble not loud enough for him to hear. Just hearing his voice causes butterflies to swarm in my stomach. 

The next two periods are a blur. I spend them really just talking to a couple of my friends who I have those classes with and thinking about Phil. Phil and Dan, Phan. I think it’s a pretty phantastic ship name. I need to stop with the puns I’m making myself cringe. Phil made a lot of puns in art I’m sure he’d appreciate it. No he wouldn’t, he’d probably feel incredibly weirded out that I like him. 

At lunch I go into the cafeteria and see my friend’s table. I go over and they all greet me. The conversation goes fine until my friend Gabby says, “Dan why were you acting so weird in social studies? Do you have a crush on someone?” They all giggle.

“No...I was just uh really bored is all,” I reply trying to keep my cool, “You all sound like a bunch of second graders.”

“Come on tell us!” Another girl begs, “You’re awful at lying you know so don’t try and tell us you don’t like anyone.”

I sigh. I can’t tell them I like Phil. Alexa is literally sitting at the table I can’t just say I have a massive gay crush or her boyfriend. “It’s not really even a crush I saw a cute boy in the hallway. I don’t even know what his name is. Besides it’s not like anyone I have a crush on will ever like me back. You guys are so lucky, all the hot guys are straight.” Hopefully there won’t be anymore follow up questions. Luckily there aren’t and the girls go back to talking about summer drama. I look over at the boys table and sneak a few glances of Phil. How will I ever get over this crush?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this today partly to distract myself from the fact that my parents will never let me get youtube red, so lucky me. Anyway hope you enjoyed chapter 2!


	4. My only real friend hates me

**Phil's POV**

 

I finish up eating my lunch and decide to go over to the girls table to go say hi to Alexa, she was really the only one I remotely missed talking to over the summer. Before I get up one of my friends Sam asks me, “Phil are you coming to Devin’s party on friday night?”

“Ummm...” I stutter in slight shock. Oh shit. I don’t want to go at all, but I don’t have, nor can I think of an excuse. “I can go,” I say. Maybe going will be good anyway. I feel like they see me as more and more of an outsider so this will have them remember I’m still part of the group. I leave my table and go over to Alexa’s.

“Hey baby,” I say while sitting down, wrapping my arm around Alexa, and interrupting the girl’s conversation.

“Hey Philly,” She replies, “What is it?”

Um oh shit. The only reason I came over here in the first place is because I don’t want to talk to my friends, “I want to talk to you babe. I haven’t seen you in months.”

“Well summer was good. You missed out on a lot of parties, but yeah that’s it.”

“Oh trust me that isn’t it,” Dan giggles. I forgot that the girls actually like him. They really are better than the guys.

“Oh really then what happened?” I say glaring at Alexa and her tan cheeks turn a light shade of pink.

“I’ll tell you and save her the shame,” Dan says, “So we went to the beach right and someone got a little tipsy and thought that I was you and tried to kiss me! Luckily for you I didn’t let her because you know, I like boys, but yeah she basically cheated.”

I laugh, “Wow Alexa I can’t believe you thought he was me.”

“Sorry!” She says hiding her face with the sleeves of her oversized cardigan, “You both are like the same height and have the same haircut! How am I supposed to tell when I’m drunk?”

“Excuses, Excuses,” I tease. I turn towards the whole table and ask, “Did you guys hear about Devin’s party friday?”

“Yeah,” A girl named Anna says, “We’re all going I think.”

“Cool, well I gotta go. Nice talking to you.” I kiss Alexa’s cheek and decide to leave the lunchroom to just forget about everything. All I can think about is that boy Dan. Why am I so worried about him? He was happy during art with me and was happy talking to his friends at lunch. So why do I care so much about what my friends said on the bus and why do I feel the need to make it up to him? It’s not like I did anything wrong. My friends have made fun of literally everyone in the school, even each other. It’s gotten to a point where “mean comments” are just normal to us and they don’t really mean anything. Why is Dan the exception to that?

I sit down in the library and pull out my laptop. I realize that because it’s the first day of school I don’t actually have any work to do so I just listen to music and browse the internet for the remainder of lunch. Eventually the bell rings and I have to go to my next class. Great. PE of course all of my friends have it with me. The problem is that they are all really athletic, but not me. I manage to pull through though because today we didn’t really do anything so I spent the whole time watching youtube on my laptop.

Next I had a free period so I went to the cafeteria, got food and sat down at a table. I’m dreading this day so far. I feel like all I’ve been doing was avoiding my friends all day without looking like I hate them. I just can’t shake the things they said about Dan out of my head. Why were they so quick to judge? He’s actually nice and according to everything he told me in art we have a lot in common. So what if he’s gay? I can still be his friend. The other guys just think if they talk to him he’ll have a crush on them, but I talked to him and there’s no way he likes me like that.

“Hey, Phil can I sit with you?” A boy asks timidly.

I turn away from my laptop to see that it’s Dan. I swear to god it’s like whenever I think about him he just shows up. “Yeah sure. You have a free too?”

“Yeah. So what are you doing?”

“Nothing much, just eating this bag of crisps and checking my email. Do you want some?” I hold out the bag so he can take some just to be polite even though in reality I want them all. Wow I’m fat.

“No thanks,” He blushes and shakes his head. He sits down in the seat next to me and takes out his laptop.

“So,” I say starting small talk, “you hung out with Alexa a lot over the summer. Cool.”

“I don’t like her you know.”

“Obviously, I’m not stupid. I’m just trying to start some kind of conversation.”

He giggles, “You’re so awkward.”

“Shut up!” I say playfully punching the side of his arm.

“Ow!” He yells softly in a squeaky voice. His face is bright pink. Is he embarrassed? About what?

“You deserved it,” I respond trying to not to put so much thought into his reaction. Is he afraid of me? Do I make him uncomfortable? The last thing I want to be is another jerk who picks on him for no reason.

“You’re so ad-annoying,”

“What? Did you forget how to talk?” I joke. Hope he sees it as a joke. He’s so awkward and I’m probably making him nervous. I hate that I hang out with people that cause nice people too afraid to talk to me.

He laughs nervously then says, “Umm can you watch my stuff? I have to go to the bathroom.”

“Sure thing,” I reply. Great. Just perfect he’s terrified of me. The one person in the school who I actually see as a friend is intimidated by me. Do I need to be gentler with him?

When Dan gets back we spend the rest of the free period talking about other random stuff. All though I can’t pay really pay attention to anything because I feel bad. I feel bad that I do this to people; I feel bad that I do this to myself. The bell rings and I go to my last period. Which of course is with all of my “friends”, but not my true friend. When I get on the bus I think of how Excited I already am for the weekend, but yet again I’m not really that excited because to get to the weekend I have to survive the party on Friday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awww Poor Phil is terrified that Dan hates him. Little does he know someone has a secret crush (cheeky wink). Get prepared because let's just say Phil has a reason to be terrified for this party. (Evil laugh) I'm so sorry what even am I? Oh right trash. Sorry these notes are pretty awful and I will be cringing about them later. But anyway I should be updating this weekend so you won't be in suspense for too long.


	5. Too Good to be True

**Dan's POV**

 

The first week of school was the longest week of my life. To think that I was actually somewhat excited for school this year. All I can think about is Phil. He’s so friendly, cute, and just perfect in general. Well perfect besides for the fact that he has a girlfriend. Ugh I need to get him off my mind. I should just focus on getting ready for the party tonight. I start straightening my hair because throughout the day it started to curl. I can’t wait until it gets chilly out so my hair stays straight and I can wear cute jumpers. Imagine how cut Phil would be in a jumper…. NO. I really need to stop thinking about him or this crush will only get worse. When I finish my hair I move onto my nails. I paint them the same shiny black I did on the first day of school because Phil complemented me on them. STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM. Why can’t I just get over him? It's literally impossible for us to be together. 

My phone buzzes and I see that it’s a group chat I have with some of my closest friends.

Jess: **Okay who’s gonna be the designated driver for the party?**

Alexa: **I’m not planning on drinking, but I’m driving Phil already. Sorry.**

Zoe: **I like really don’t want to, but like if you guys NEED someone to drive I can**

Me: **I’m not gonna drink I’ll drive**

Jess: **Tysm**

Zoe: **Omg dan ur a lifesaver**

Anna: **Wait can u drive me too?**

Me: **I’ll drive everyone in the chat except Alexa because she’s going with Phil**

Lily: **Just got these sorry. Dan what time are you picking us up?**

Me: **7?**

Anna: **K**

Zoe: **Sounds like a plan**

Jess: **Cool**

Not drinking during the party is probably a good idea for me. When I drink I tend to say whatever is on my mind before thinking about it which probably would be really bad now considering all I can think of is Phil. My phone is flooded by more texts from the girls confirming that I’m driving them. Shit. I didn’t realize that I’d be driving like 10 people. Oh well. We’ll just have to try and squish in the car.

At 20 to seven I go drive around town to pick up everyone who is coming to the party. I had to take my mom’s minivan because there’s no way we would’ve fit in any other car. At the party I hang out with the girls for a while until they start going over to their boyfriends or start flirting with their crushes. That leaves me all alone. So I immediately connect to wifi and stand in the back of a crowded room browsing my phone. 

“Hey Dan.” A familiar voice greets me over the loud music.

“Oh, Alexa! What’s up?” I reply awkwardly.

“Everyone is playing drinking games and I’m just there like oops I can’t I gotta drive my boyfriend home.”

“Oh. Yeah. Everyone I was talking to you is like oh I’m gonna go hang out with my boyfriend or hook up with my crush and I’m just here like, oh not me.”

“I’m sure you’ll have a boyfriend soon.”

“Yeah, but like all the cute guys are straight. It’s extremely aggravating.”

“I bet at least 25% of the guys here will come out as gay by college.”

“True. I have pretty good gaydar so I can confirm that’s correct. The only problem is I want a boyfriend now.”

“Ugh yeah that sucks. Well I’m gonna go get more soda because you know I can’t drink. Do you want anything?”

“Nah I’m good.” I reply then I decide to go into a room that is relatively empty asides from a few guys in there and I look down at my phone and scroll through tumblr. I notice that all of the the guys leave the room. Well asides for one of them. The one who doesn’t leave stumbles over to me. When he gets closer through the darkness I realize that it’s Phil.

“Hey Phil,” I say quietly.

“Wut’s up Danny?” He slurs. Oh man Phil is really drunk. Phil plops down right next to me, but almost misses the sofa.

“Nothing much.” I say trying ignore the drunk boy. Even all disheveled like this he still looks adorable.

“Are you sure ‘bout that? You seem kinda upset.”

I laugh, “No, Phil I’m not upset.” Why would he think that? It's not like anything really bad happened I'm just being antisocial. Which is pretty normal for me. 

“Oh well I thought you were because like people were like saying bad stuff 'bout you.”

People were saying bad stuff about me? Really? Who? Why? I don’t really know how to respond so I pause for a moment before replying, “Why would they do that?”

“Well some of the guys are like assholes about you because you’re gay, but I don’t care that you are because you wanna hear a secret?”

“I…I….” I stutter only for him to cut me off.

“I think I might be gay too. Don’t tell anyone though.” he tries to put his finger to my lips, but misses terribly.

I can barely wrap my head around he just said. People are really saying homophobic things behind my back? But the girls said that all of the guys were accepting. Maybe the guys lied to them about that? Oh well the guys always seem to avoid me anyway so it’s not as much of a shock. More importantly PHIL IS GAY? I actually have a chance with him omg. I shouldn’t get too excited though. With friends like his he probably will never come out. Hell, I don’t even know if he’s actually gay. He could just be saying random shit because he’s drunk. “Are you telling the truth?” I ask breaking the long silence between us.

He looks me dead in the eye and nods his head yes. “Please don’t say anything though I’m not even that sure if I’m really gay.” Oh so he’s just questioning his sexuality. Literally every person does that no matter if they are straight or gay or bi or whatever the fuck they are. He probably doesn’t even like boys. I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up so quickly. He continues, “All I do know is that I can’t stop thinkin’ ‘bout you. So I dunno. Maybe it’s ‘cause I have a crush on you?”

I feel my face start to burn. No. fucking. Way. MY CRUSH LIKES ME! HE FUCKING LIKES ME! Oh my god what now? The first thing I can think to do is say, “Well, all I know is that I have a crush on you.” His face lights up like a tree and I see his beautiful eyes twinkle. Before I can comprehend anything I feel him throw himself on me and our lips collide. His soft lips taste like beer and I could probably get drunk just making contact with them, but I don’t care and just continue kissing him. His hands sloppily run through my hair and I can tell that he can’t comprehend what he’s doing. Despite that, I can also tell that he’s loving every second of the kiss. Our hearts are racing in sync and we’re only about 3 seconds into the kiss until I hear some boy’s voice.

“What the fuck?” The boy says wearily right before passing out on the floor drunk. Shit. Phil stops almost immediately and looks up like a deer in headlights. When the initial shock passes he begins to whimper. I lock the door of the room so no one else can enter and I hug him close for a couple seconds trying to reassure him that the boy passed out and was too drunk to tell we were kissing.

We cuddle on the sofa for a while. Me cradling him as if he’s a frightened child. “Dan,” He sniffles looking up with me with fear in his eyes, “Can you get Alexa and tell her I wanna go home?”

“Sure baby, anything for you,” I reply taking advantage of the situation. Who knows we’ll ever get to act like a couple again, “Just stay here and I’ll get her. I won’t tell anyone your secret. I promise.”

He looks up at me and nods. Then he curls up into a ball on the sofa not daring to look at me any longer. I can tell that he regrets kissing me. Maybe I should regret kissing him too, but I can’t. I shouldn’t have kissed him. None of it was real; I just, wish it was. Ever since I first laid eyes on him I longed for this and I’m going to enjoy having it while it lasts. I guess I’m too desperate .

Eventually I stumble upon Alexa. I can barely talk to her knowing that she’s dating Phil even though he might actually like me instead. I tell her Phil is really drunk and wants to leave. Luckily she doesn’t question him wanting to leave any further, saying she wants to leave as well. And before I know it the love of my life is gone and I may never get to be with him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooo things just got interesting. How does Phil really feel about Dan? Will anyone else find out about them? Is Phil's secret safe? SO MANY QUESTIONS. Lol sorry this chapter was probably torture.


	6. It was real

**Phil's POV**   


 

I wake up the next morning, well actually the afternoon, with a massive headache. How much did I even drink? I’m usually not one to drink, but I felt so bad about Dan and drowning that the only way to forget my feelings feelings was alcohol. I pick up my phone and see that I have one new message. From Sam? He never texts me alone, only in the groupchat I have with all my friends. In fact we don’t even talk that much. What could he possibly want?

Sam:  **Phil can we like talk?**

Me:  **About what?**

Sam:  **Are you gay?**

Me:  **No. why?**

Immediately after I send that text all of my memories from the previous night flood my brain, magnifying my already pulsing headache. I can barely comprehend anything. That didn’t really happen. There’s no way in hell that actually happened. I would never. I didn’t kiss him. I didn’t come out to him. I don’t even have to come out because I’m not gay. I was just drunk. I wasn’t thinking straight. 

Sam:  **Are you sure? Because like… I don’t know for sure I could’ve just imagined it because I was pretty wasted, but I’m pretty sure I saw you making out with Dan.**

I did. As much as I wish that memory wasn’t real Sam saw it too so it has to be. Sam knows. He probably told all of the guys that I’m a faggot. My life is all over all because I said yes to going to that dumb party. I should’ve know better. I should’ve done what I always do and stayed home and watched anime. What will I do now?

Me:  **To be honest I don’t really remember anything that happened last night. I was drunk as hell**

Sam:  **But like did you kiss him? By the way I didn’t tell anyone about it. I just wanted to see if I wasn’t like hallucinating or some shit.**

Me:  **Maybe I did? But I was probably too drunk to even tell I was kissing someone. Definitely not a guy because I’m not gay.**

Sam:  **Oh ok. Do you think maybe Dan kissed you when you were drunk? Like he took advantage of you? I’m pretty sure he was staring at you like all week at school**

Me:  **Ew I hope not. I’ll try and avoid him though because thats fucking creepy**

Sam:  **Yeah. Dumb fag**

Once I read that text my heart shatters into a million pieces. I curl up in a ball and cover myself with my sheets. I feel like I’m going to vomit and not just because of my hangover. In what world did I think that it would be a good idea to pin this on Dan. Now all of the guys are going to be worse to him. He’ll probably end up being the most hated kid in school. Sure he might’ve kissed me. So what? It’s not that big of a deal it’s not like the kiss meant anything more than that I was really wasted. Why do I have to be so selfish? Why couldn’t I have made up a better excuse instead of blaming it on Dan? Now Sam isn’t going to tell everyone that I’m “gay” he’s going to tell everyone that Dan sexually harassed me. Poor Dan is going to be even worse off and this time it’s all because of me. I can’t explain it, but I have a feeling deep down inside that Dan’s innocent.

I pick up my phone to text Sam that it probably wasn’t Dan’s fault my phone starts ringing . When I see that it’s Alexa my heart drops. She can only be calling for one reason. I let it ring a few times before deciding to answer. Maybe she doesn’t know? 

“Oh my god Phil are you okay?” He voice booms out of the phone. She sounds completely petrified.

“Alexa, I’m fine. Relax.”

“Is that why you were so sad at the end of the party Phil? Was it really because he attacked you?

“He didn’t attack me. It was only a kiss. Hell, I don’t even know if he really did it or not.”

“He’s the worst. I can’t believe that happened to you! Why are you even defending him?”

“I’m not sure that it was his fault. We probably didn’t even kiss and Sam is just making shit up because he was so drunk he passed out.”

“Still I’m staying far away from Dan. He basically sexually assaulted  _ my _ boyfriend. Does he seriously think he can get away with this shit?”

“Alexa, calm down baby I’m fine. I don’t care if he kissed me. He was probably drunk. Don’t pin it on him before we know what really happened.”

“He wasn’t drunk at all! He had to drive people home he couldn’t drink!”

“Well, still I don’t want you blaming him for something that you don’t know was his fault. If we did kiss I was probably the one who instigated it on account for how dark the room was and how drunk I was.”

“Why the hell should I cut him a break? He literally kissed _ my _ boyfriend behind my back!” At that I realize Alexa isn’t mad because she cares about my well-being. She feels upset because one of her friends “stole” her boyfriend.

“Alexa, I still love you. Do you really think a drunk kiss with a  _ boy _ would change that? Please just don’t be mean to him just because he tried to “take me away from you”. He probably didn’t know what he was doing. Besides he gets enough shit as it is and all of this could just be a nasty rumour anyways.”

“Do you like him or something?” He voice is so cold I could get frostbite.

“No. Alexa, I like you. I like girls. I just feel bad for him. He’s so lonely and the guys say a lot of nasty shit about him. I don’t want to make it worse.”

“Fine. I get it. You’re not mad. I promise I’ll make sure that me and the girls aren’t mean to him, but we’re not going to be nice to him either.”  
“That’s fine. Babe I love you. You don’t need to worry about me, about us. Okay?”

“Alright. Well I should probably clear this up with the girls. They’ve probably already heard Sam’s rumor by now.”

“Okay baby. Bye.” 

The weekend seems to fly by and before I know it I’m getting in my mum’s car and driving myself to school. Usually I take the bus to school, but my mum took the day off of work so I can take her car. Thank god for that because I don’t think I’d be able to survive a bus ride with all of the assholes I’m forced to call my friends. 

When I pull up to the school I see a large group of people that seems to be mostly made up of kids in my grade. They seem to all be gathered around something and are yelling really loud. What is going on? A fight? As I go nearer a kid in my grade that I don’t even know the name of spots me and yells, “Look! There’s Phil!” Before I know it I’m dragged into the center of the cluster of people. I’m am utterly shocked when I see Dan curled up on the floor being kicked. He’s around my height, but in the moment he looks tiny and fragile. My eyes begin to water but I snap out of it because I realize everyone is looking at me.

One of my “friends” named Andrew yells out, “What are you waiting for Lester? He fucking kissed you! Kick his ass!”

“Kick his ass! kick his ass!” What seems like my entire grade (and then some) begins to chant. 

Time slows down as I prepare to strike but…. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh shit. It's getting serious now. I feel a little evil writing this fic, oh well. Sorry about the cliffhangers, but I have to put them in to create the illusion that I'm a good author. Did you like this chapter? Do you hate me? Let me know in the comments!


	7. Explanations

**Dan's POV**

 

I briefly look upwards and see Phil drawing back his fist as if he were going to punch. I quickly revert to covering my face in order to avoid getting hit there “I,” I feel like I scream, but what really comes out is a choked sob, “I didn’t mean to. It wasn’t my fault, Phil. Please don’t hurt me.” I curl up even tighter and brace myself for the punch. Trying to muffle my sobs so I don’t give them yet another thing to torture me about. Why did I kiss him back? Well, I mean he was the one who instigated it, but I still took advantage of him. He was wasted, it’s not like he knew what he was doing. Of course he would tell them it was my fault. Why wouldn’t he? Especially considering that it kind of was. 

“Come on Lester what’re you waiting for?” A random guy (probably one of Phil’s cronies) yells.

“I...I...won’t do it.” Phil’s voice shakes. He doesn’t sound mad at me, he sounds scared. I peer up and see that he’s bending over and holding his hand out.

It takes all of my strength, but I manage pull myself off of the ground enough so that he can help me. He grabs my arm and uses all of his strength to get me off of the ground. 

“What the fuck?” Someone shouts, “Aren’t you like pissed at him? He literally kissed you.” Everyone in the crowd starts yelling things like that and seem to almost shift the anger they had for me over to Phil. Phil just ignores them though, and drags me through the crowd.

“Where are we going,” I say weakly. I am barely able to talk let alone move through a crowd of people. I limp beside him putting most of my weight on him as if he were a crutch. 

“Away from here.” He responds in a tone that indicates that he doesn’t want to talk about it at the moment. He eventually drags me to his car and everyone is still just staring at us. I honestly don’t care what they think. This is all their fault anyway. 

In the car we don’t say anything. I don’t mind I barely have enough energy to talk anyway especially about the events of this past weekend. I just sit there and watch him focus on driving as far away from the school as possible. I can barely wrap my mind around what happened. It started with the girls ignoring me all weekend and then I walk up to the school only to be greeted by a fist to the face. Everyone told me that I made them sick and that what I did to Phil was wrong, but why doesn’t Phil think that? 

“I don’t know where you live so you can spend the day at my place, okay?” Phil says as we pull into what is presumably his driveway, “I’ll take the day off school and help you get fixed up. Besides I don’t think either of us should go there for a while.”

“Okay, thanks.” I reply, my voice is not as weak as before. The excruciating pain I feel takes confusions place as my primary thought and I feel like I want to sob.

“No don’t thank me. I just want to try and make this up to you even though I never could. I’m so sorry Dan.” he’s biting his lip and are tears welling up in his eyes. Why would he even feel bad? He didn’t even do anything wrong. He’s only ever been sweet to me even in situations when I didn’t deserve it. Once he helps me inside he helps me lie down on the couch and says he’ll be right back.

“Phil, why on earth aren’t you at school? School started 10 minutes ago!” I hear a woman (most likely his mum) yell.

“Sorry mum, I just, well….” He continues to whisper to her probably to tell her about what had happened without me hearing what they’re saying.  

“Hello Daniel,” she says cheerfully while walking into the living room, “Do you need anything?”

“I think I’m okay for now,” I try to smile. Oh god, Phil’s mum is just as sweet and lovely as he is. I know I really shouldn’t be thinking about something as trivial as a crush right now, but literally everything about him is incredible. I kissed him and he’s being nice to me. His mom probably knows I kissed him and is still being nice to me. 

“Well I’m going to go shopping. If you need anything at all Phillip will take care of it for you, okay?” I nod and after saying goodbye to me and Phil she leaves the house.

“So we should probably get you cleaned up.” Phil says breaking the short silence.

“Yeah,” I reply looking down at all of my wounds. I’m bruised in more places I can name and my clothes are covered in dirt and dried blood. 

He goes upstairs and then comes down with clothes “Here,” he says while throwing me a plain red t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. “You can wash up and change in the bathroom which is right down the hall. Do you need help like walking?”

“I can manage.” I say just to avoid being  a nunsense even though what I want most is to lean on his shoulder again.

“Okay, cool. While you get ready I’ll make you some ice packs and put on some anime.”

“Cool.” I get off of the couch and try to hobble over to the bathroom.

“You liar,” Phil giggles coming up behind me to help me walk, “don’t feel bad about asking for help. I’m happy to help, you deserve it.”

I look into his eyes and smile and that rush comes back to me it’s like I’m first getting a crush on him another time. I’m in so much pain and so much is going wrong, but he makes it all right. I love Phil Lester, but my blissful happiness diminishes in a matter of seconds when all of the past events flood my brain. Sure he is being nice to me, but that’s just out of pity. Besides I need to constantly remind myself, he’s straight. When the surprisingly time consuming walk is over I go into the bathroom and clean myself up. Once all of the dirt and blood is off of me I pull Phil’s shirt to my nose it smells amazing, it smells like Phil. I laugh to myself there’s no way in hell I’ll ever give this back. I finish changing and Phil helps me back the the couch.

“What’s that smell?” I ask as he begins to walk away from the couch.

“Oh I’m making pancakes they’re my favorite and since I have a guest I actually have a reason to make them. Oh, I probably should’ve asked you if you wanted them first.”

“If you know me then you know that there’s no way I’m going to turn pancakes down.”

When the pancakes are ready Phil comes back into the living room and sits on a chair near the sofa and we watch anime after anime without interacting that much. Which is fine by me because this would be the worst time to accidentally slip up what I’m saying and reveal that I like him. 

Eventually Phil says, “I don’t know if this is like too soon, but can we like try figure out what happened on Friday? I remember kissing you, but I don’t remember why I did.”

“Umm…”

“I understand if you don’t want to talk about it. You’ve had a rough day and probably a long weekend too.”

“No. I do want to talk about it because honestly that night was a blur for me too. I just don’t know where to start.”

“Just tell me exactly what happened. I swear on my life that no matter what happened I won’t tell anyone and I won’t be mad.”

“Well I guess it started when I was pretty bored at the party because everyone was getting drunk and hooking up so I sat alone in a room on my phone. You and some of your friends were in the room, but they all left and you stayed with me.”

“Okay…. What else?”

“You were really drunk so you started saying some random things about how all of the guys were mean to me behind my back because I’m gay and you felt bad. The weird thing you said though was that well, you said you don’t care that I’m gay because…”

“Because what?”

“Oh okay so this is gonna sound really bizarre, but you said that you might be gay.”

“Oh man,” He says, “did I really? Oh man I’m never getting drunk again or I’ll say more crazy bs like that.”

“That isn’t even the worst part,” I say trying to hold in how hopeless I feel, “I asked you how you knew and you said it was because you like me.” I choose to leave out the part of me saying I like him too because there is no way in hell I can handle telling him that. He’d never look at me the same way again if I did.

“And then I kissed you?”

“Basically.”

“Aw, Dan I’m so sorry, It was literally all my fault,” I look up at him for the first time in the entire conversation and notice heavy tears streaming down his face, “I’m the reason that you’re life is ruined. Everything was my fault, I can’t believe it. How will I ever make up for this?”

I manage to limp over to his chair and I wrap my arms around him letting him sob into my chest. “It’s alright. I forgive you. It wasn’t only your fault it was the kid who walked in on us, Sam’s fault too. It was also my fault because I let it happen. I…” I gulp, there’s only one way to make him feel better even if it makes him mad at me, “I kissed back.”

He looks up at me. “Don’t feel guilty, of course you did.”

“What? You aren’t upset I kissed you back?”

“No. Why wouldn’t you want to. I know you don’t like me because you don’t like straight guys, but you thought I liked you so of course you wanted to kiss me back.”

“That’s exactly how I felt,” I lie. It’s better he doesn’t know my true feelings for him especially since he can only return them when he isn’t thinking straight. 

“I know, you wouldn’t have kissed me if I didn’t lie to you. Now I just feel worse.”

“It really doesn’t bother me. I promise. I’m just glad that we were able to figure shit out and get on the same page.”

“Yeah, well you should probably lie back down. I’m pretty sure you sprained your ankle so you really should put pressure on it.” He helps me over to the couch, but doesn’t go back to his chair. He lies next to me and slowly drifts asleep. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s better he doesn’t know my true feelings for him especially since he can only return them when he isn’t thinking straight. Lol get it. Cause he literally wasn’t thinking straight. That's a quality pun right there. I’m trash help. Anyway I hope you liked this chapter. Hopefully you like seeing them being a little bit fluffy, but don't think their problems are even close to being resolved because I'm actually heartless.


	8. A Backwards Relationship

**Phil's POV**

 

When I wake up and realize that Dan is basically wrapped around me I almost scream. I quickly cover my mouth to avoid waking him, he needs the rest. I gently slip out of his warm embrace and go to the kitchen to just get away and think without waking him. I can’t believe I cuddled with him. In what mind did I think that was a good idea? It’s okay, friends comfort each other all of the time, yeah I was just comforting him, there’s nothing gay about that. I check my phone and see that it is blown up with texts from everyone at school. How on earth am I supposed to deal with them?

“Phil, where are you?” I hear Dan’s voice crack. He must’ve just woken up and is probably scared that I left him. It pains me to think of how he’ll ever go to school again. He’s so helpless. It’s not fair, he just wants to enjoy life and have friends. Who cares if he likes boys?  

“Relax I’m right here,” I say softly while walking out of my kitchen, “I’m getting you some new ice packs and I’m making lunch.”

“Ok, thanks…” I go back to the kitchen and checked on the grilled cheese I am making us. Then I quickly bring the fresh ice to back to Dan.

“Aw man I’m so sorry about what everyone did. You really didn’t deserve it. You’re too incredible to deserve it.” AM I FLIRTING? First kissing, then cuddling, and now flirting. It seems as if we’re in some kind of backwards relationship. Then hopefully being just friends will come next.

He blushes, “You really need to stop apologizing, it wasn’t your fault.”

“I’m just scared that when you go back...they’ll hurt you.”

“I’ll be fine. Besides I have you.” Aw he is so adorable. Wtf Phil you’re supposed to be straight. That stuff I said about liking Dan it can’t be true. I can’t like boys. Yet again, I’m always pretty quick to defend I’m gay, so maybe I am? No I have a girlfriend. Aw man, what would Alexa think? What would all of the guys think? If anyone were to find out how I’m acting I’d be worse off than Dan is. Then I remember what he said…..he isn’t worried because he has me. So I would at least have him if I came out, but can’t just tell him I like him though. Especially right after I basically told him that I’d never date him in a million years. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I’M SO CONFUSED. I have to stop jumping to conclusions I’m not even 100% that I even like guys.

“PHIL! Something’s burning!” Dan yells snapping me out of my trance.

“Shit the grilled cheese!” I yell back running in the kitchen to prevent a fire. My mum would kill me if something went wrong. She’s really happy that I was the bigger person and helped Dan, but she still isn’t thrilled about me missing school. If I set the house on fire on top of that I’d be in a whole lot of trouble. After I take care of the burnt sandwiches Dan and I decide that it’d be best to just eat cereal for lunch because of his lack of mobility and my lack of cooking skills.

“Phil?” He asks breaking the previously long silence. Not that I intended for it to be awkward I was just enjoying my cereal.

“Yeah?”

“Are you feeling okay? You’ve been acting weird since we got up.”

“I’m fine, just nervous for tomorrow. I haven’t even mustered up the courage to actually read any of the texts my friends sent me. I’m just scared about what they think of me.”

“Oh.” He looks like my answer let him down. Maybe he knows that it’s only half true.

“Why are you so disappointed?”

“Oh, I’m not, I’m just upset that you’re so worried about what they think. You are so amazing, Phil. Don’t you know that? You did a great thing and anyone who doesn’t see that is blind.You don’t understand I’m like….” He stops himself.

“You’re like what?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Okay weirdo. So what do you want to do?”

He looks down at his fingers, “I know this is going to sound really high maintenance, but do you have any nail polish? I my nails chipped when...well you know the story.”

“I’m pretty sure my mum has some in her room. I’ll get it.”

I go into my parents room and rummage around my mum’s makeup and stuff until I find the nail polish. I don’t know what color Dan wants so I decide to just get them all and let him choose his favorite.

“I don’t know what color you want so I just got them all,” I say almost tripping down the stairs and spilling it all over the place.

“Ok that’s fine,” He laughs (probably because I can’t walk down the stairs without falling over, “Oh my gosh you’re so clumsy.”

“Yeah, that’s me.”

“I probably can’t trust you to paint my nails then.”

“Oh you wanted me too….. Well, I could probably try,” I sit down on the couch across from him.

“Okay, I like this color. Let’s see how well you do,” He giggles picking up a scarlet polish and giving it to me.

I pick a clear polish and apply the base coat first trying not to get distracted by his radiant smile. I never would’ve guessed I’d be doing this ever in my life, but honestly I wouldn’t trade this for anything. I have someone that cares about me, someone who I care about, someone who I can actually call my friend without instantly regretting it. “I think I did pretty good,” I say admiring his nails.

“That was the base coat, it’s literally impossible to screw up. Now you actually have to paint them.”

I pick up the scarlet polish from before and get to work. “How do you do this all of the time it’s so hard.”

“Practice. If you want I can do them myself…”

“No it’s fine. This is fun, actually.” As I say that his cheeks get bright red and his eyes light up which makes my heart melt.

“If you want I could do yours!” He chirps, but immediately draws himself in like he didn’t mean to ask that out loud.

“Sure. You choose the color though, as you can see by my socks I’m really terrible at matching things.” The same joyful glow from before fills him again. I definitely never thought I’d be letting him do this, but the smile on his face is worth everything. Besides it’s literally just paint on my fingernails which no big deal. I want to save him the shame, he’s been through some pretty bad shit. Besides it might even be cute for us.

We finish each other’s nails and mine look a lot better than his do because I did and awful job painting them, but Dan cleaned them up and said it was the thought that counted. We spent the rest of the day cuddled on my couch watching the most bizarre reality shows we could find until my mum came home with the car so I was able to drive Dan back to his house.

“Thanks for today, you actually saved my life,” Dan said getting out of my mum’s car and walking down his driveway.

“No problem. It’s what friends do, right?” I reply.

“Yeah…..friends,” I hear him faintly murmur under his breath. His voice becomes audible and he says, “Well, I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”

“Yeah see you at school. If anyone, anyone at all gives you a hard time, just come and get me.” I say. I can’t lie I’m absolutely petrified for tomorrow especially after witnessing what I did this morning. How the hell are either of us even supposed to go to school without getting killed?

“Ok, but only if you promise me you’ll do the same.”

“I promise.”

“Good, well goodbye I guess.”

“See ya tomorrow,” I smile at him and retreat back to my car. My smile quickly fades once he’s gone. When he’s around I’m so preoccupied with his cuteness to even notice that my life is falling apart around me. Now I actually have to plan. When I arrive home I go straight to my room and read the countless texts I’ve gotten throughout the course of the day.

“Hey, is everything alright. I um saw what happened this morning. Are you two okay?” Alexa’s fragile voice cracks over my phone’s speaker.

“Yeah, we’re fine,” I lie back. Honestly I don’t even know what we are. All I know is that whatever we are is far from fine.

“Good. It’s nice to know my bear is safe. But I have to ask, why? This morning you helped him. Why did you do that?”

“Look, I know what happened wasn’t good. I know that, but I couldn’t just let them beat him up like that. Come on Alexa, he was your friend too. There’s no way you were a hundred percent fine with them doing that to him. I knew I was the only person who had the power to stop it so I did. End of story.”

“You’re so confusing. He didn’t deserve all the things you did to him, but you did them.”

“It’s not like he deserved what they did to him either.”

“Then what does he deserve?”

“I guess, for us to just pretend Friday never happened. Honestly nothing about it made sense to me, you, and even him. I think it’s better off we just forget about it.”

“You make literally zero sense. I mean we can try to pretend nothing happened, but we all know something did. Even if no one’s sure exactly what.”

“I don’t expect things to go back to exactly the way they were, but eventually this will just seem like a stupid thing that we can laugh about. I just want everyone to be happy again.”

“Wow, you are really just full of love aren’t you. I swear to god I want to kiss you right now. You’re so sweet.”

“Thanks, I love you too, but I have to make up my work from school, so I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay, bye baby.”

“Bye love,” I reply hanging up the phone. I don’t love her and I don’t think there was a moment in my life that I did. She’s so passionate about me, but I can’t ever return her feelings. At least I told her what mattered at the moment. Without a doubt I know every word of our conversation will be translated over to her friends, then their boyfriends, then their boyfriend’s friends until the entire group knows why I did what I did and why I want what I want. Nothing I said in that conversation was untrue, but I didn’t tell the complete truth either. I’ll just take baby steps. Besides I’m not 100% what my feeling for Dan are and the same about my feelings for Alexa. I just need time I guess. Maybe everything going back to normal will change that.

The next morning when I wake up it takes me ages to actually get out of bed. I end up running a bit late so I quickly get dressed and don’t spend that my time on my hair. Eh, it’s naturally straight anyway.

I run into the kitchen and reach for some cereal when my mum asks, “Are you wearing my blue nail polish?”

“Shit!” I gasp, “Sorry mum mind my language. Oh my gosh how the bloody hell do I get this off?”

“You don’t need to take it off. It looks really good on you actually. Whoever did them is really good.”

“No, you don’t understand I just let Dan do them to cheer him up. I don’t actually want blue nails!”

“Okay, relax I’ll get the remover from my room. You’ll be fine.” My mum has to drive me to school and is late for work because I refused to go to school until my nails were completely bare. I can’t let anyone see me like that. Then they’d think that me and Dan did really kiss because we like each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fluff was pretty nice and much needed because the next chapter will be heavy and frustrating. Can things ever really go back to normal. Knowing this school, probably not. Let me know if you liked this fic so far. I love hearing your comments!


	9. People Like You and Me

**Dan's POV**

 

 I decide to walk to school that morning because I know that Jess won’t give me a ride like she used to. I sigh. Things will never be the same, but at least I have him. He’s all that matters. He’s incredible, just really confusing. One second he’s flirting with me, the next he says we’re just friends. I wish he would just make up his mind already. Honestly though, things could be worse. Obviously he reacted to the kiss about a million times better than I would’ve expected. Yet he still could’ve reacted better. I shouldn’t rush him though, I remember how confused I was when I first found out I liked guys. It took me almost 2 years to actually come out to anyone, well aside from Ms. Hayes.

When my first period art class begins I notice that Phil is nowhere to be seen. Maybe he was too scared to go to school? There’s no way in hell I’ll make it through this day without him. I pull out my sketchbook and begin the assignment which was drawing a person who we love. How convenient.

“Sorry I’m late Ms. Hayes,” I hear a familiar say. His breaths are heavy and he sounds as if he sprinted to the classroom.

“Did you forget what room we were in again?” Ms. Hayes chuckles.

“No I, just missed the bus so I-”

“Relax, Phil. I was just messing with you.”

A relieved expression replaces the nervous one on his face and he goes to take the seat next to mine. He looks over at me and asks, “Hey what are we supposed to be doing?”

“You have to draw someone you, um love…” I trail off being sure to hide my sketchbook from him so he couldn’t see who I was drawing.

“Cool. I think I’ll draw Alexa. Who are you drawing?”

“Um…I’m drawing...um…” My face grows bright red and my hands start to get clammy. If he sees that I’m drawing him he’ll actually hate me. I thought he was flirting with me, but in all realness he was probably just being nice to me out of pity. The only reason he even talks to me is because he feels bad for me. He probably also cuddled me and let me paint his nails so I would feel better about myself.

“Oh, you haven’t decided who you want to draw yet?”

“Yeah…I’m still deciding.”

“Then draw a family member, or one of your friends maybe?”

“Can I draw you?”

His pale cheeks grow pink and he says, “I’m one of your friends aren’t I?”

“Yeah,” is all I say, but I wish I could scream at him. I know This is ridiculous, but I just can’t take him seriously when he calls me his friend. Like, no. We are more than that. We have to be more than that.

For a while after that we just work on our drawings not really talking to each other. Finally he breaks the silence saying, “Aw man, look how bad this is. If I actually showed it to Alexa she’d probably slap me.”

I laugh, “Oh my god it’s actually terrible.”

“I told you I’m not a good artist. Hopefully you didn’t make me look this bad.”

“Even the worst artist couldn’t make you look bad,” I think to myself. Instead I just smile and say, “I think mine looks semi-decent.” I turn the portrait to him and show him my drawing.

“Oh my god, that’s incredible!” he shouts, his eyes lighting up.

“You like it?”  
“I love it oh my god. You’re actually an amazing artist.”

“Thanks,” As I say that the bell rings and it’s time for my next class. Great. Now this is when the day will get hard. I’ll have to face the people who hate me without Phil to protect me.  

When I walk into second period history I try to avoid the glances I get from some of my classmates. I sat down in the seat that I chose the first day. The one next to all of my old friends. This will be a fun year.

“Hey Dan. Are you okay from yesterday?” My friend Gabby asks taking the seat next to mine.

“Yeah I’m okay,” I don’t look at her I just stare forward. I don’t have enough courage to face anyone. Why is she even talking to me? Last time I checked everyone hated me.

“You know we’re not mad,” My friend Jess who is sitting on the other side of me adds, “Also I would’ve totally given you a ride this morning, but you weren’t home.”

“Oh. Sorry,” I reply feeling like I want to shrink and curl up in a ball.

“No it’s fine. Also Alexa isn’t mad either. She feels really bad about what all of the guys did to you. She said that she and Phil had a long conversation about it and agreed that we should pretend Friday never happened and move on.” Jess replies.

The bell rings and my teacher begins to blab about ancient Egypt so naturally I tune out. I’m too preoccupied by everything that’s going on to pay attention anyway. Thank god the girls just want to pretend nothing happened. I honestly don’t think I could go back to being that weird kid with no friends. It was awful back then. I’d try to be nice to people only to get picked on by them. Hell, I’ve been going to school with Phil ever since kindergarten and he first discovered I existed in junior year of highschool. It’s nice that the girls aren’t holding any of this against me, but the guys certainly are. I swear when I walk into the room some of them who I had never even talked to looked like they wanted to murder me.

I say goodbye to my friends and leave the room to go to next period only to get stopped in the hallway by a boy named Connor. Ugh. One of Phil’s friends if that’s what you’d even call it.

“Where do you think you’re going fag?” He says gritting his teeth shoving me against a locker, “Are you going to have a make out session with Lester in the bathroom?”

“No I’m just going to third period. Let me go,” I beg. People begin to stare and he lets go of me. I guess he probably is in enough trouble as it is for the fight yesterday or I’m sure as hell he would’ve beat me up.

I make it through third period, barely. Then I go to lunch and sit in my normal spot with the girls. I pull out my lunch and everything is like it was before. The girls and I are talking about drama (being careful to leave out anything regarding me and Phil), our classes, and making jokes about how we’re already failing school even though it’s the second week. Everything is the same until someone who never sits at our table comes and sits right in between me and Alexa.

“Phil, why are you eating lunch here?” Alexa asks.

“Why do you think?” He replies looking at her as if the reason is the most obvious thing in the world. The whole table goes silent for a little bit. Great, just when things start seeming normal for me they’re made incredibly awkward. Eventually the conversation we were having previous to when Phil came resumes and the awkwardness vanishes. I barely pay attention to whatever they’re talking about because all I can notice is the way Phil wraps his arm around Alexa. The way she leans her head against his shoulder. The way they look inseparable. It makes me green with envy. Why is his arm around her now when just yesterday it was around me? We literally cuddled multiple times and he just acts all cute around her right in front of me as if that didn’t happen.

“I have to go to the bathroom. See you guys later,” I say getting up and leaving the table. There is only so much of this I can take.

“Oh me too,” Phil says getting up and walking next to me. OF COURSE. Just my luck. The only reason I got up was to get away from him so of course he has to come with me.

When we get out of the lunchroom he asks, “Dan are you okay? You seem really upset.”

“I’m fine.” I lie trying not to get to transfixed on his deep blue, concern-filled eyes. I swear they were not that color 5 minutes ago.

“I know you’re lying. Please tell me what’s wrong so I can help you. The guys were bothering me too. That’s why I went and sat with you and Alexa.”

“Well you know that kid Connor? He shoved me into a locker and then I guess like assumed we were together or something like that,” I tell him. Well I guess that’s partially true. I can’t tell him that I was really mad at him for being with Alexa. It would probably only make things tougher for him.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. This is all my fault. It’s one thing if they hurt me because yeah I kind of deserve it, but you did nothing wrong.” He looks as if he were going to start sobbing. Now I feel bad. He genuinely cares about me and all I can think is that he doesn’t like me enough.

“It’s okay, Phil. I’m okay. You don’t deserve this either.”

“I know, but I broke my promise. I said I’d protect you.”

“And you didn’t! The girls wouldn’t even be talking to me if you hadn’t told them everything was fine between us. I’m really grateful for that. Besides the guys never even liked me to begin with.”  
“It still isn’t fair that people like you and me have to put up with this shit. That they feel the need to be assholes to people just because they aren’t like them.”

“What do you mean by ‘people like you and me’?”

He turns to me and looks me right in the eye saying, “I mean people who aren’t... straight.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for being really late on this chapter. I had a bit of writers block and I was really bus with school stuff. But yeah, I hope you enjoyed this rather angsty chapter. Thank you guys for all of the positive feedback! I'm really glad that you like this so far.


	10. I'm Only Sure of One Thing

**Phil's POV**

 

He stares right back at me with wide eyes and I can see there’s no turning back now. Immediately I’m filled with regret. Last time I came out to him I had just blamed it on the alcohol, but this time I have no excuse.

“You’re...you’re gay?” He asks breaking the silence that only hung over us for a few seconds, but honestly felt hours long.

“I’m not even completely sure to be completely honest,” I reply. That is the truth, I think. I’m not sure of anything other than the fact that I like him much more than as just a friend.

“Are you bi then?”

“I don’t fucking know!” I say more harshly than intended. Tears cloud my vision and I can barely see anything around us. Maybe that’s a good thing, I don’t really want to see Dan’s reaction. “All I do know is that I have a crush on a guy. More specifically, I have a crush on you.” I spill because why fucking not. He’s the only person who doesn’t hate my guts so why don’t I make him hate me? I look up and dry my eyes to see his reaction when suddenly he holds my face and kisses my lips. His soft sweet lips dance across mine and I feel like I’m flying. It’s almost as if this is my first kiss even though I shared one in the hall with Alexa just a few hours earlier. Although this one is so much more different. It’s so much more real because I can feel his passion and be able to return it.

When we break apart he says, “Do you mean it this time? Because the last time you said that it didn’t go over so well.”

“I really do mean it. Dan, I love you. I think once I figured out you existed I had feelings for you even if I did try to repress them.”

“Then what do we do? You’re kind of with Alexa right now.”

“Oh god. I have no clue. I can’t tell her because then she’ll and all of her friends will hate both of us. I’m okay with being the most hated kid in school, but I don’t want them to harm you. You already get enough as it is.” I’m genuinely terrified of what they might do to Dan if we start dating. The guys hurt him enough as it is. The last thing he needs is for his friends to turn on him just because I dumped one of them for him. 

“Then maybe we should just not tell anyone. We could date secretly. Like at school we’ll pretend to be friends, but when no one’s around we’re a couple.” 

“But I’d be cheating. On both you and Alexa. I don’t know if I can bring myself to do that. Also won’t lying about it for the next two years be really hard. Like people will eventually start thinking something’s up. Hell, half of the people I know already do.” 

“Phil, it’s the only option we have to be actually together without being hated by everyone. Besides, I’m willing to take a risk if it means I get to be with you.” His eyes were filled with what I can only describe as pure love.

“Then I guess we have no other choice then,” I sigh staring back into his eyes. The bell rings and I realize that I have to go to my next period PE. Of course it’s with a ton of the guys so this should just be perfect. So far today I’ve been called homophobic slurs more times than I can count and have been accused of hooking up with Dan in my car so that’s just great. I can’t wait to hear more of that next period. 

When I get to PE and go into the locker room I am almost immediately forced out. 

“You here to watch us change or something,” Someone asks. What a douchebag, just because I like guys doesn’t mean I’m a creep. 

“No, the only person I want to watch get changed is Alexa.” I reply even though that is a total lie. I wanted to reply ‘Please don’t flatter yourself you’re not nearly as attractive as Dan’, but I refrained from that because I need to convince them all that I’m straight. 

He and all of the guys who were previously making remarks were silenced by that. I guess they forgot that I still have a girlfriend. Lying is going to be harder than I thought, though. At least I’ve got them off my back for now. 

I am relieved to go to my next period because it’s a free. Not only is it a free, but it’s a free with Dan. I love everything about him and I really mean it. I think that’s why I was always so defensive of him, even when I didn’t even know who he was. 

“Hey Dan,” I say as I take the empty seat next to his. We are in the cafeteria and he’s listening to music, eating crisps, and typing something.

“Oh, hi Phil,” He replies turning to face me.

“Do you want to go somewhere more private?” I ask.

“Why would we need to do that? We’re just like doing homework and stuff.”

“I know, but I would like to tell you how cute you are without getting stared at or noticed.” 

“Fair point. Where should we go?” 

“Follow me,” I say getting out of my seat. I let him gather his things and then grab his hand and lead him up to my secret spot on the roof. Well it isn’t so much of a secret all of the guys know about it, but they never really go up there unless it’s before a football game or something so I usually go there to get away from everything. 

“Wow, this place is so nice,” Dan says when we reach the roof, “Does anyone else know about it?”

“Yeah, a lot of the guys do, but they never come up here so I’m really the only one who actually uses it.”

“Well, then we can use it. It can be our spot for when we want to get away from everything.”

“Yeah, and here I can do this,” I add leaning into his lips for a kiss. He seems a little startled at first, but soon loosens up and kisses me back. He wraps his arms around me and doesn’t let go. When we eventually break apart his cheeks are pink and sheepish smile spreads across his lips. 

“What is it?” I laugh, “You know you look really cute when you’re all embarrassed.” That only causes his cheeks to grow brighter. 

“I just, never thought you would like me back.” He responds timidly, clearly still embarrassed.  

“Wait? You’ve liked me before today?” Since when had he liked me. Like I know that he kissed me back at the party, but I just thought it was because he was desperate for a boyfriend. I thought he had higher standards than just me.

“Wow, you actually didn’t notice. I thought I was being really obvious. For christ’s sake I let you paint my nails. Do you think I’d let just any boy do that? Especially one as clumsy and artistically untalented as you.”

“Hey, that was uncalled for. Besides you kept them on.”

“Of course I did. You did them, that’s why I like them more than anything I could do.”

“Aw, you’re so adorable. I would’ve kept mine on, but we all know how that would’ve ended…”

“Well maybe you could come over to my house after school so I can do them again; even if you have to remove them the next day.”

“Are you asking me on a date?”

“Maybe…”

“Well I will gladly attend this date Mr. Howell.”

“You sound ridiculous,” he giggles. His smile is bright like his warm brown eyes. So warm they make me melt. We sit down on the roof together, me leaning my head on his shoulder into the crook of his neck and him resting his head on top of mine. We spend the rest of the period like this staring at the view of the courtyard talking about anything and forgetting what awaits us for the rest of the school year. 

When the bell ring I go into my last period class dazed. All I can think about is the way I felt when my lips were connected to his and when he pulled me in for a warm embrace. 

“Phil! Hello! Am I fucking invisible to you?” I hear a girl’s voice complain. Shit it’s Alexa. 

“What is it babe?” I reply quickly snapping out of my trance. 

“You’re acting really weird. I have been trying to ask you for a pen for the past five minutes and you completely ignored me.”

“Sorry, I’m really tired and I guess I zoned out.”

“No you aren’t tired something’s going on. Are you high or something?”

“No, I’m just really tired and distracted. Things aren’t exactly going so great for me at the moment.”

“Whatever,” she says turning to face the front of the room and pretending to listen to Mr. Johnson drone on about Shakespeare. I tune everything out though. All I can think of is that in only half an hour I’ll be with Dan again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, I'm really happy that you guys seem to be liking this fic so far. Honestly I am not even sure myself how long this is going to be. Like I said many chapters ago I'm kind of just making this up as I go, but I'm happy with how it's turning out and I have a very loose plan of what might go wrong next. No one's safe! *Evil laugh*


	11. People Are the Worst

**Dan's POV**

 

“Bye Jess,” I wave to my friend as she pulls out of the driveway. I walk in my house think about how I can hardly wait; in just a few minutes Phil will be here and I’ll be having my first official date with a guy. If I had told myself just a week ago that they guy I liked would say yes to going out with me I think I would’ve had a heart attack. All after lunch I could barely comprehend what in the world was going on. He actually wants to go out with me, this is the best day of my life. Suddenly the doorbell rings and I race to the door to let Phil in.

“Hi,” I say timidly. It’s silly, but I still get butterflies talking to him. Yet again, how could I not? He’s literally the sweetest, most attractive guy on the face of the earth.

“Hey,” he replies as he steps through the doorway, “I hope you have an amazing first date planned or I’ll have to break up with you.” I tense up at the mention of him leaving me and he laughs, “I was just joking, you know. Nothing in the world would make me want to break up with you.”

“I know. Do you want to come upstairs to my room?” I ask.

“Sure,” He replies and I lead him upstairs to my bedroom.

When he enters the room all he can say is, “Wow, it’s so monochromatic.”

“It’s my aesthetic.” I reply becoming defensive over my room.

He puts his things down and sits down on my bed. “I believe you said you’d be doing my nails again?”

“Oh yeah, right. What color do you want?” I pull open a drawer filled with every possible nail color and Phil’s jaw drops.

“How do you expect me to choose when you have so many? Just choose for me.”

“Okay how about this?” I suggest taking out a metallic silver polish.

His eyes light up, “Oh my god that’s so cool. Yes. Please put that all over my nails.”

I giggle and sit down on his bed across from him. I begin to paint his nails often becoming distracted by our conversation. I swear he could talk about anything in the world and I’d be interested. I don’t think I’ll ever become sick of him. When I finish he holds up his hands admiring my work.

“This is amazing! I swear you’re like ridiculously talented.”

My cheeks grow hot and I respond, “It’s okay, I guess.”

“If only people were less terrible and I could show these off to everyone. They’re so pretty and shiny.”

“Yeah people are the worst. I wish that we could just be together and people would be cool with it.”

“Me too, but it’s also kinda my fault we can’t go public. I should be comfortable about our relationship, but I’m a coward. I should care less about what they think and just focus in us.”

“It’s not your fault! You saw what they did to me yesterday. It’s only logical not to want to tell them anything. Let’s just be happy with what we have now.”

He looks into my eyes and a smile spreads across his cheeks. He knocks me over when he goes into give me the biggest bear hug ever and for a while I just lay there with his arms wrapped around me. I feel safe in his arms and for a moment it feels like all of the bad things that had happened just went away.

“This is the best date I’ve ever been on,” he says letting go of me and now just lying on the bed next to me, “looks like I won’t have to break up with you.”

“I know that’s not true, We didn’t do anything.” There’s no way he actually thought that. All we did was talk and I did his nails. Didn’t he and Alexa go on like really nice dates? I’m pretty sure they went to like France or something together. Alexa’s really rich so I wouldn’t doubt it.

“Yes it is! It doesn’t matter what I’m doing as long as I’m with you. That’s what made this date so amazing.” At that my heart melted. Even though what he said was a little cheesy and cliché no one had ever felt that way about me before. All of my life I’d been all alone with no friends let alone a boyfriend.

“Aw, you’re so sweet.” I respond my eyes meeting his. We stare at each other for a while in silence, but not the awkward kind. The kind of silence that makes it feel like everything is right in the world.

Eventually he sighs and sits up. “I think I should get going. My mum probably has no clue where I am and is worried sick.

“Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow then,” I reply as I sit up next to him; secretly devastated that he has to leave so soon. I wish that I could be with him all of the time.

“That’s it?” He asks giggling a bit, “Are you seriously going to let me leave without a kiss goodbye?”

“You wish,” I reply leaning him and joining my lips with his.

The next morning I get out of bed disoriented. I’m still in a trance from yesterday and all I can think about is Phil. I force myself to get out of bed and get ready for school because I know Jess will kill me if I make us late.

I finish getting ready and wait for Jess to come pick me up. I look at my phone, if she doesn’t come in the next minute I’m going to be late for school. Why is she taking so long? She’s like the most punctual person I know. Eventually pulls up in my driveway.

“What took you so long?” I ask getting in the back of the car.

“Sorry that’s my fault,” Alexa says.

“Wait Alexa? Why are you coming with us? I thought your sister usually drove you,” I ask. Why the hell is Alexa of all people coming. I can barely look at her without feeling queasy. Sure being with Phil is literally the best thing in the world, but I feel a little guilty about doing this behind my friend’s back. Great. Now I’m unsure how long I’ll be able to keep this a secret, it’s not like I’m any good at hiding my emotions.

“Oh, she had to go in early so Jess offered to drive me,” she replies casually oblivious to the fact that I’m facing a huge moral dilemma and am having a mental breakdown.

“So, Dan,” Jess says changing the topic of the conversation to something more interesting, “is there anyone who you want to take to homecoming?”

“No, I um don’t really like anyone. Besides no guy I’d ask would actually go with me.” I reply. Why are we talking about this. I don’t care about what we talk about as long as it’s not guys because now all I can think of is Phil.

“Don’t say that I’m sure there’s someone who would love to go to homecoming with you,” Alexa adds trying to cheer me up. Yeah I can think of someone who’d just love to go with me: her boyfriend. I’m such a terrible person.

“I know, it’s just hard to actually find any guys who’d say yes. You have it so much easier. Literally all of the guys are straight.” I reply, “I’m better off going solo. Anyway, Jess who are _you_ going with?”

“I don’t know,” she giggles, “rumor has it Devin might ask me, but I’m not entirely sure.”

“He’s so going to ask you,” Alexa interjects, “Do you even see the way that he looks at you in class. I swear he has heart eyes.”

“Yeah, it’s really obvious he likes you,” I agree.

“Well, I’m not going to get my hopes up. Besides if I don’t get asked out I can just third wheel with you and Phil the whole time.” Jess states.

“That is if he even goes with me,” Alexa mumbles.

“What!” Jess yells almost crashing the car.

“Alexa, you can’t just spill big things like that while Jess is driving or we’ll die! You know she’s a slut for drama!” I laugh trying to cover up my soul literally crumbling. DOES SHE KNOW? She has to at least suspect something. Oh no. I’m the worst friend on the face of the earth. Why did I have to fall for him? Ugh why did I ever kiss him back when we were at the party? If I didn’t then nothing would be like this and everything would be normal. Sure I’d be alone, but everyone else would be happy.

“Why would you two not go together? I swear, besides Sam and Anna, you’re like the school’s power couple. You guys are literally my OTP!” Jess practically screams.

“I don’t know h hasn't asked me yet,” Alexa says, “and he’s just been acting kind of weird ever since, well, you know…”

I gulp. No no no anything but this. I kind of wish that Jess did crash the car just so I wouldn’t have to talk to them about this right now. Why must my life be like this? “I’m sure it’s just because he’s upset about his friends,” I reassure her. Hopefully she’ll buy it.

“Yeah, they don’t seem to be treating him that well,” Jess adds, “they all like think he’s gay even though he’s not. That can’t feel good for him. Also it's not for a few weeks so maybe asking you isn't the first thing he has on his mind. He has a lot of other stuff to deal with at the moment.”

“I guess you guys are right.” Alexa says as we get to the school. I pray with all of my soul she really means that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late! I know I promised a new chapter a week ago, but I got caught up in a lot of school work. Please forgive me, I know I'm the worst. Thanks for reading and leaving comments and kudos they're much appreciated <3\. The next chapter will be up soon, but I'm not sure exactly when yet.


	12. Homecoming King

**Phil's** **POV**

 

Everything seemed relatively normal for the next two weeks. Dan and I still continue to go out behind the whole school’s backs, Dan’s friends are still nice to him, my friends have basically forgot about the incident, and Alexa doesn’t suspect a thing. Okay, maybe that last part’s a stretch. I don’t think she knows exactly what’s going on, but she’s been acting strange lately. According to Dan I need to “act less gay” and everything should be fine. I breathe in and out then hand the girl at the table some money. “Two tickets to homecoming,” I request.

“That’ll be fifteen pounds,” She replies in a monotone expression. Damn these are expensive. I can’t believe I actually have to spend money on tickets to a dance I don’t want to go to with a girl I don’t want to date. The things I do not to get beaten up.  

“Here,” I say awkwardly giving her the money and taking the tickets. 

As I begin to walk away she snickers, “Are you taking that guy you like?”

“What? I’m taking my girlfriend,” I reply masking my fear with confusion. Are people still seriously talking about this; didn’t the whole “Phil’s gay” joke wear thin? 

Her face gets red and she seems to tense up a bit only responding, “Oh.” I feel a little bad, but yet again I always do. I don’t like putting people in awkward situations even when I have to defend myself. I’m too sympathetic. I guess that’s the whole reason I’m in this mess in the first place, isn’t it? 

I go down the hall to the cafeteria. My eyes almost immediately land on Alexa. Emphasis on almost as my eyes really landed on Dan first. His chestnut brown hair formed small curls, most likely due to the rain outside. He usually straightens it saying, it makes him look like a hobbit, but I thinks it looks pretty. He gets really mad whenever I say that though, I still say it anyway. Ok, I need to focus on Alexa. I need to ask her to homecoming, get that dreaded night over with, and ensure she doesn’t suspect anything from me or Dan. “Hey,” I say walking up to Alexa’s table and resting my hand on her shoulder.

“Hi Philly, what is it?” She asks breaking away from the conversation with her friends.

“Well, I have something for you.”

“What do you have?” She asks looking genuinely confused. Oh please we’ve been dating for two years already, you’d think I wouldn’t have to make a deal out of asking her to dances and stuff. 

“I have a ticket to homecoming,” I answer, “That is, if you agree to go with me.”

“Of course I’m going to go with you. We’ve literally been together for years,” She laughs back taking the ticket from my hand. 

“Well then it’s a date. I’ll see you soon babe. I’m going to go over to the guys now,” I reply before planting a kiss on her cheek and walking away. Well that was easy. At least for me; poor Dan looked like he was going to lose his mind. Usually jealousy is seen as a bad thing in relationships, but somehow jealous Dan is the most adorable thing ever. 

I pull in her driveway and sigh. Tonight is the big night: homecoming. I just arrived at Alexa’s house to take her to the dance. If only I could really be taking Dan. Well I will be at the dance with him because Alexa said that since he’s the only one in his friend group without a date he can third wheel with us. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing. He can barely look at us holding hands without freaking out, let alone slow dancing. Even though he knows I’d much rather be with him he still gets jealous. 

When Alexa comes out to get in my car I have to admit she looks like something straight out of a movie. Her long golden hair is wrapped in tight curls and frames her face perfectly. She wears a dress the color of ice that makes her blue eyes appear so sharp they could pierce through me. She really is gorgeous and I think that’s what attracted me to her back in ninth grade. I think that the idea of having a pretty girlfriend made me more confident and like I fit in with the guys. I feel a bit ashamed about that. I don’t think that I ever really liked her for her personality. In fact, I never really liked amy of the girls for their personalities because in the end they’re just as cruel as the guys. The only difference is that they hate people in secret making them incredibly hard to trust with anything. In all seriousness she deserves better than me even if she isn’t the most authentic or nicest person on earth. I really should break up with her, but I’m too selfish to dump her and risk people finding out the truth. 

“Oh my god you look stunning!” I exclaim when Alexa gets to the car.

“You don’t look so bad yourself,” She replies.

“Wow. I call you stunning and all you have to say about me is that I don’t look so bad. I’m so flattered,” I reply sarcastically.

“What did you want me to say? You look beautiful?” She laughs.

“Maybe I did.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“It’s an endearing part of my personality.” We chat like that for the entire drive there and I almost forget that I don’t really love her that way. If only it were this easy all of the time, but I know that the dance will be much harder to get through. Especially considering that I’ll have to interact with her friends, my friends, and Dan without having a mental breakdown. 

“Do you know who’s having the after party?” Alexa asks as we get out of the car and head towards the gymnasium doors.

Shit. I forgot about the after party. At least at a school dance there’s adult supervision, but at an after party… What happens if I drink too much and kiss Dan again? Or what if I admit to everyone that Dan and I were secretly dating. What if he gets drunk and does the same? There are too many what ifs. I could not drink, but I know even if I refuse my “awesome friends” will force me to anyway. Why do I always get into these terrible situations when I go to parties? No wonder I never go to them. “I’m pretty sure you’re friend Zoe’s having it,” I reply.

“Oh right. Wow how did I forget? She literally didn’t shut up about how she was hosting it for the past week. I’m so stupid.”

“Yeah you are,” I respond while we walk into the crowded gym. Alexa immediately sees her friends runs over and screams. They all freak out and compliment each other on how great they look. I begin to walk over to my friend group who is mixed with hers because we all took them as dates until I run into Dan.

“Oh my lord Phil you actually look incredible,” he tells me being mindful to stay as quiet as possible. It’s not like anyone can actually hear anything though, considering that if the music was any louder I would go deaf. 

“Oh please I look underdressed compared to you,” I reply. And it’s true. I’m wearing a shirt and a blue tie to match Alexa’s dress, meanwhile he is wearing an elaborate shirt and his hair and nails look like they were done professionally.

“I still think you look great. Do you want to come over after this?”

“I can’t. There’s Zoe’s after party or whatever.”

“Don’t go. I want to spend some alone time with you tonight.”

“I really would, but you’re forgetting about Alexa.”

“Oh yeah right. You should probably go over by her. She might be wondering where you are.”

“Ok. I’ll see you later then?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you soon.”

I awkwardly make my way into the group and jump into the conversation with my friends. They’re acting kind of strange though. Like they can’t seem to contain themselves from laughing, but won’t tell me why. Maybe they’re making fun of Dan and won’t tell me because I’ll get mad? I doubt they would even care if I got mad; to them I’m about as intimidating as a chihuahua. That doesn’t stop me from being suspicious. 

Soon I am swept away by Alexa for the first slow dance of the night. I could basically feel Dan’s eyes burning holes into the back of my head the entire time. After that Alexa and I went outside for a bit to talk with some friends.

“So, who do you think will be homecoming queen?” Alexa asks the group.

“Anna, duh. The whole school knows she’s gonna be queen and Sam’s going to be king,” Alexa’s friend Jess replies blatantly. 

“I don’t know guys,” Anna blushes.

“Yeah I heard that another couple had a really good chance of being homecoming king and queen,” Sam snickers causing a few of the guys to laugh as well. Are they rigging the voting so some loser gets it? That’s kind of awful to vote for someone just for a joke. 

“Who?” Alexa asks oblivious to the fact that they’re obviously trying to pull something.

“I can’t say,” Sam responds, “It would spoil who’s going to win. Besides it probably will be me and Anna anyway. We’re basically the school’s power couple.”

“Give me a break,” I but in, “Alexa and I have been together twice as long as you have. In fact I bet we’ll win.”

“Oh my gosh Phil, you really think that?” Alexa cheers. 

“Yeah, I do,” I say confidently not really looking at Alexa as  much as I’m looking at Sam. I need this. If Alexa and I won then the entire school would not suspect a thing from me and Dan; everyone would think I’m straight.

“Okay Lester, whatever you say,” Sam replies.

The whole night I convince myself more and more that there’s a chance Alexa and I will win. Frankly I think that us winning is definitely a possibility. We are actually one of the most renowned couples in the school considering that we actually stayed together instead of just hooking up for two weeks and calling it dating. I glance over and see that voting just closed so hopefully soon I’ll just be able to find out. I never really cared about superficial things like this, but it would help me out so much, plus Alexa would be thrilled. I don’t truly love her so at least I can give her this. God, my priorities changed a lot. 

After about ten minutes a senior (probably serving detention or getting community service hours) walks onto the stage and says, “Ok everyone, the votes are in and we are about to reveal our 2016 homecoming king and queen.”

At that the students cheer and then quickly get quiet, desperate to know who won. If the circumstances had been any different I wouldn’t care and say this is all really extra, but I just want to be remembered for something other than what I did at that party. Don’t get me wrong I don’t regret kissing Dan. I love him to death. I just regret it going down the way it did. I want to be able to come out when I’m ready to I guess. 

“Okay our homecoming King is,” They pause in order to create maximum suspense, “Phil Lester!”

Holy shit this is actually happening. Everyone cheers as I walk onto the stage to get my award. From the stage I see Dan give me a small smile. He’s so sweet smiling at me even though he knows he won’t get to dance with me at the end of the night. Shit, I just realized how much I want to dance with him. Next I see Alexa freaking out with her friends and can make out that she’s saying ‘I’m gonna be homecoming queen’. It feels like for the first time in while things are working out for me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its like a few days late. I thought I was free this weekend, but my friends actually wanted to hang out with me¿ Hope you like this chapter, but brace yourselves. I said shit was going to go down soon and I'm keeping my word. Let's just say the next chapters going to be heavy. Mwuahahahaha (I'm a terrible person c00l)


	13. Homecoming Queen

**Dan's POV**

 

My friends and I cheer Phil on. He really deserves this. I mean how could anyone not vote for him? He’s actually the most gorgeous guy I’ve ever seen and I’m not just saying that because he’s my secret boyfriend. As happy as I am though, I’m a bit upset. I know he has to spend his night with his friends and Alexa in order to protect our asses from being kicked, but I’d at least want to spend a little time with him, like just one dance.

“Oh my god, Dan I’m going to be homecoming queen!” Alexa yells grabbing my arm so tightly that she might cut off all of my circulation.

“I’m so excited for you!” I reply try to mask my disappointment with a smile. I never really cared about the popularity contests that the school holds, but something about my boyfriend winning and me not being by his side makes me feel less important. I shouldn’t feel that way considering that him and Alexa winning would be so much more beneficial to us in the long run. The thought of people doing what they did to me to him shatters my heart into a million pieces. I don’t want to see him sad even if it means he has to lie to everyone.

“Ok, now the moment you’ve all been waiting for,” The senior says silencing the crowd. It gets quiet so fast that you would have no idea that just a second ago everyone was screaming like maniacs.

“I’m so excited I think I’m going to die,” Alexa whispers in my ear and all I do is grin and nod back at her.

“You’re 2016 homecoming queen is...” She pauses, but this time not for suspense. She genuinely looks confused. “Umm can like a teacher come up here because there’s no way this is right. Who even counted the votes?”

My maths teacher goes on stage and checks the envelope. She says, “I know it’s odd, but they got the most votes. Trust me, I counted like 5 times.”

The senior girl sighs (this probably wasn’t worth the community service hours), “Ok, I have no idea how this was possible or why the hell this is happening, but your homecoming queen? King maybe? Is Dan Howell.”

What the actual fuck. Hell no. This can’t be fucking happening. Okay universe I take it back, I don’t want to be up there with Phil. Once I regain my senses I hear all of Phil’s “friends” roaring with laughter. Those fucking assholes. But, Phil said that they were over the whole incident? I guess they were just pretending in order to pull this “hilarious” stunt. They must really be proud of themselves for keeping their shit together for this long. Even if that means they *gasp* have to pretend to like someone who doesn’t fit the perfect mold for a fuckboy.

The next thing I hear is a high pitched and I mean so high pitched it’s to the point of breaking voice screech, “What?” Alexa. Oh lord she must be devastated. I look over and see that her’s as well as the rest of my friend’s jaws are basically touching the floor.

“So yeah, come up I guess,” the girl says, “sorry all we have is a tiara.” Oh please like my biggest problem with this is having to wear a tiara. Oh my boyfriend is being straight up humiliated, but woah you’re messing with the gender roles how dare you. Okay, maybe I’m being a bit more dramatic than is necessary.

I make my way up onto the stage and Phil looks as if he had just been exposed for something huge. OH WAIT HE FUCKING WAS. His eyes were like round blue saucers and radiate nothing other than what I can describe as pure fear. His face was even whiter than usual (how that is even possible is beyond me) matching the color of the envelope that our names were read from.

Once I get on the stage Phil and I don’t make eye contact, hell we don’t even look at each other instead we just look straight at our classmates. As awkward as that may sound looking at each other would just make this ten times worse. As I’m looking out over all of the people I spot Alexa run out of the room with a few other girls following her. Oh god she must be heartbroken; her hopes were raised just for a dumb joke. The rest of my friends just gave me a mix of confused and almost disapproving looks. Do they seriously think I wanted it to end up like this?

“Okay, well now its school tradition, you guys have to… um... dance…. I guess.” The girl says.

I can feel myself tighten like a knot and I am almost paralyzed. Literally any other time I would absolutely adore dancing with Phil, but in front of my entire grade while he isn’t even out yet? No thanks, I’ll have to pass on that one.

We walk down to the dance floor and try not to even share a passing glance in order to make us look as platonic as possible. I can’t even imagine how he feels right now. We step down and a slow song begins to play. He winces and holds out his hand. This is actually happening. This is a dream come true, but at the same time it’s a nightmare. The entire grade, with the exception of my friend group, seems to be enjoying this _way_ too much. Seriously, even the kids who don’t hear about or care about drama are eating this up. I take his hand and we begin to dance looking as stiff as boards. His grip doesn’t even feel right, it’s like I’m holding a complete stranger’s hand.

“I’m so sorry,” I whisper trying to make this a little less awkward.

“It isn’t your fault,” he whispers back, “I should’ve just come out instead of letting this happen.

“Are you crazy? You can’t come out while you’re still confused.”

“I’m not that confused. Besides, I have you. I’m not confused about that.”

“God damn it. If you be cute people will start to think we’re enjoying this and then you’ll really be outed to the whole school. So quit making me want to make out with you.”

“So what? Maybe I do want to make out with you.”

“What do you mean ‘so what’?”

“They obviously still think I’m gay so why don’t I just stop caring what they think and stop lying in order to change their minds?”

“Because they’ll beat your ass. You may be stronger than me, but not much.”

“Love you too.”

“This is not the time for being sarcastic.”

“Well I mean it. I love you and I don’t give a shit who knows.”

“Yeah, but this might not be the best time for that. I mean you do know that you’re still with-” He cuts me off when he connects his lips with mine. Except this kiss doesn’t feel like any of the others. The others make me feel lifted; they make it feel like all of my problems washed away. This one however, catches me off guard. It almost scares me. What do I even have to be scared of? Phil is the one who went in for the kiss, so he must be okay with it, right? Then why am I so scared. I should be happy that I don’t have to hide my fondness for him from the entire school and my friends. That’s when the weight that makes me pull away drops. Alexa. She’s here, right now. Phil’s cheating in plain sight. They’ll never talk to me again. I stole her boyfriend. I am the worst human being alive.

He notices that something is off and asks, “Dan, what’s the matter? Isn’t this better for us now? We don’t have to pretend anymore.”

“My friends are going to hate me.”

“Welcome to the club.”

“No, but I’m friends with Alexa. She’s going to kill me.” At the moment I say that he freezes like a statue. I look around the room to see everyone in the gymnasium is frozen as well. I broke my entire school. Even the guys who thought they knew what was going to happen hadn’t had expected this. Hell, I hadn’t even expected this. I look back at Phil and he breaks down. If I hadn’t been holding him would have surely fallen.

“What have I done?” he whimpers.

“It’s okay. We’ll figure this out,” I reply softy even though I honestly have no idea how we are going to get ourselves out of this one. Out of the corner of my eye I see a group of girls running out of the room and I know exactly where they’re going. To tell Alexa.

This must have come to Phil’s attention too because he regained his balance and ran towards the courtyard leaving me alone on the dance floor. Even though I want to, I can’t be mad. He deserves to be the one to tell her the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you shit was going to go down and I think I stayed true to that promise. Things are really heated up. There's no covering it up this time. Well anyway I hope you guys liked this chapter! It was a roller coaster to write. Thanks for reading and leaving all the positive feedback! It motivates me to write more and better stuff.


	14. She's right

**Phil's POV**

 

I let go of him and bolt to the courtyard. What the fuck was I thinking? I guess I just got so lost in the moment...so lost in dancing with him that my regards for the rest of the world just vanished. Like the rest population was a nightmare that went away when he was there. To think that Alexa’s the only reason I’m actually here and I forgot that she existed once my eyes met his. No wonder she’s upset. I’m a terrible boyfriend, well I guess now ex-boyfriend. I get to the courtyard and I see a mob of girls who I can only imagine are surrounding a sobbing Alexa. Once they notice me they all glare at me as if I am the devil himself, but I can’t blame them, I deserve it. 

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Alexa’s best friend Jess yells coming over and looking like she’s going to maul me. That’s how you know who your real best friend is: someone who will gladly take down the guy who cheated on you even if he is almost a foot taller than them. 

“Can I just, talk to her?” I plead. Oh god I hope that didn’t sound as helpless to them as it did to me. 

“Whatever you have to say to her you can say to us!” A girl yells and that sparks many… let’s say creative remarks from the other girls about what they’ll do to me. I thought my friends were mean, these girls are straight up vicious. Maybe they’re just better at hiding it than the guys are. 

“No, I need to talk to him alone,” Alexa quietly sniffles. The girls fall so silent that all I can hear is the faint music coming from the dance and my own heartbeat. They all pace out of the courtyard, but I know that they aren’t far from the door. The moment something goes wrong they’ll probably all beat me up. In all seriousness they’re much scarier than the guys. 

“Look Alexa…” I trail off. In all seriousness I have no idea what to say. 

“So, you kissed him?” She responds softly sounding a bit defeated. I finally get to look at her since I saw her earlier tonight. The makeup that she worked so hard to do was smudged and her pristine curls had lost bounciness. She looked as defeated as she sounded.

“Yeah…” I say trying to sound as guilty as she would want me to. Don’t get me wrong I feel awful, just not really about that kiss.

“How long have you two been, you know, a thing?”

“Um, ever since the time everyone beat him up, I guess. Well, the day after that is when I told him I liked him. Before that I was just sending really mixed signals and confusing him.”

She smiles a bit and blows air out of her nose, “No wonder you were acting so odd. I remember how spaced out you were that day.”

Why is she taking it so well? She was crying just a few moments ago and I swear that her friends want me dead. “Yeah,” I scratch the back of my head, “I guess it was a bit obvious.”

“You know you could’ve just told me then. If it really mattered to you, I wouldn’t have told anyone.”

“I wish I had known that then. I was just so scared that they would hurt him again, but I wouldn’t be able to stop it.”

“Wow you really do love him.”

“Yeah, he’s amazing.”

She laughs, “Wow, I can’t believe I couldn’t tell for all the years I knew you. I guess you were really good at hiding it.”

“Hiding what?”

“That you’re gay, duh.”

“But, I’m not. I’m bisexual. I like girls and boys.”

Her face turns to stone. No wonder she was being so sweet she thought that I cheated only because I couldn’t love her because of her gender, but I didn’t cheat for that reason. I cheated because I didn’t love her for who she was as a person.

“Oh, so you cheated because you hated me and were too afraid to admit it? All the two years of dating me you didn’t actually like being with me?” She says, her tone growing angry and dark. 

“No, I liked you at first I just…”

“You just what?”

“I stopped liking you a few months after we started dating, but it was obvious that you didn’t feel the same way and I didn’t want to make you upset. Besides even before the party the guys always made fun of me for being different, but when I was with you they didn’t.”

“So you used me? You thought oh it’s okay if I pretend to be with her so people like me. Well guess fucking what? Everyone fucking hates you! You know how much shit I had to deal with after you guys kissed at the party? You know how many guys came up to me and told me I was dating a fag? A fucking lot. I defended you because I loved and cared about you. Meanwhile you were off with him not giving a shit about how  _ I  _ felt. Now, the only person who does love you is your dumb ass boyfriend! Pretty soon he’ll hate your ass too because he’ll realize that you can’t even handle your own feelings, let alone a relationship with anyone else!”

Tears cloud my vision, she’s right I’m fucking awful. How did I think that any of that would actually work? I should’ve just told the truth. “I’m so sorry I should’ve been honest, but I was a coward. You’re right.”

“No shit you’re a coward. You thought it was alright to fuck with other people’s lives so that people wouldn’t see you for the faggot you are!” She storms off, not giving me the chance to reply. 

All I can do is stand frozen in the courtyard. I want to run home and just sob into my pillow, but my legs have turned to cement and I am devoid of all emotion, yet at the same time I am filled with it. So I can only stand in place looking as lifeless as a statue. That is until I am grasped so tightly that I could be suffocated.

“So she didn’t take it well?” He asks his voice muffled into the back of my shirt. When I turn to face him I collapse into his arms almost knocking him over, but he manages to hold me up. I let out heavy tears, probably ruining his shirt. 

He runs his fingers through my hair and whispers, “It’s okay, we’ll be fine. I promise.”

I look up into his eyes and ask, “Why do you still love me?”

His eyes widen and his expression could not be described as anything short of horrified. “Why on earth would I not?”

“Because I’m a liar. I use people. I used her. I can’t have a relationship without making people unhappy. I ruin everything I touch. You should leave me before I ruin you too.”

He clutches my shoulders and looks me dead in the eye saying, “That’s what Alexa thinks. That’s the impact you had on her. So what, not every relationship you have is going to work out and that doesn’t matter because you’ve had a much different impact on me. You’re not going to ruin this, just because you’ve ruined one relationship doesn’t mean you are going to ruin every relationship that you have.”

“I know, it’s just I barely understand anything about myself. I’m just not sure if I’m ready for everything that’s happening. I know I love you, but I’m not sure if I’m ready for a relationship with anyone yet.”

“For fuck’s sake we’re in high school! You’re not supposed to understand yourself, but guess what? You already do understand something about yourself that it takes others a long time to figure out. You understand who you want to be with. You are right though, you’re not ready for a relationship with just anyone. But you’re sure as hell ready for a relationship for me.” He basically rants to me, obviously wanting to me to know how wrong everything I’m saying sounds to him. I want to believe what he’s saying, but he’s the only person who thinks that.

“You can’t deny that I’ve made mistakes…”

“You’re right I can’t. I’m not saying what you did to Alexa was the right thing, but guess what? That was the past. You did what you could, you gave her an apology, you gave her an explanation. That’s the best you could’ve done so quit making yourself feel bad about the past and instead make yourself better for the future.  _ Our _ future.”

“I didn’t know it was possible for me to love you any more.” I say pulling him in for a hug. 

“Yeah I’m pretty great. They didn’t elect me homecoming queen for nothing,” he laughs hugging me back.

“You’re ruining the moment.”

“You’re just jealous I won.”

“I won too you dumb ass.”

“Yeah, but I got the tiara. Everyone knows that homecoming queen is a much bigger deal than homecoming king.”

“That’s a good point. You know we never got to finish our dance, my queen.”

“Yeah, you just kissed me and ran away. You know how awkward that was for me? I had to stand in the middle of the dance being stared at by everyone. My biggest fear became a reality.”

“Can I make it up to you by having this dance?” I say extending my arm out to him, “I promise I’ll stay as long as you want.”

“It looks like we’ll be dancing all night if that’s the case,” He smirks grasping my hand. We dance through the night in the courtyard to the faint music radiating from the gym. For the first time in a long time I felt weightless. Like, now there is nothing holding me down and preventing me from doing what I want to do, from being whoever I want to be. For the first time in my entire life I don’t need to be somebody that I’m not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're welcome for the fluff at the end god knows you needed it. I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. Much better than writing the three reports that I have due on monday. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for all of the positive comments! They really inspire me to continue writing! I love hearing what your opinions on my story are! A lot of new chapters should be coming because I have holiday break soon so I'm not preoccupied with school :D.


	15. A Repeat

**Dan's POV**   


 

I sit up out of bed and groan at the sudden realization that I’m going to have to take the bus to school today. Well, taking the bus is something I’m going to have to get used to considering that Jess or any of my old friends are ever going to talk to me again. I guess I took having friends for granted. Only a few months of having them and I’ve driven them all away, now I’m the same as I was a year ago. I was given one chance at having real friends and I blew it all because of a dumb guy. Well, at least I still have him. 

“Dan! Hurry up or you’ll miss the bus!” My mum yelled from downstairs. It was my first day of sixth grade in a new middle school and I was already behind schedule. 

“Sorry mum, I’m just so nervous to go to a new school,” I replied running down the stairs and grabbing a bowl of cereal. 

“Well you better get your act together because in a week I’m starting my new job and you’ll have to get yourself to the bus on time.”

I nodded at what she said not looking up from the bowl of cereal that I had somehow managed to finish in only a minute. She gave me my bookbag and I ran down the street to the bus stop.

When I reached the bus stop I was greeted by the mean look of a girl with dark brown hair that had the bounciest curls pulled into a tight ponytail. (She looked good with natural hair. It’s a shame that now she always feels the need to straighten it) Her dark chocolate-colored eyes appeared to be looking into my soul. Who knew that an 11 year old wearing pink converse high tops and a floral print dress could be so intimidating? Well, maybe I had played Jessica to be more intimidating than she actually was.

“Hey Dan, I didn’t think you were coming to school,” She said as she saw me approach. 

“Why not?” I asked afraid for my life. Why was she talking to me. I was an incredibly shy kid who talked to no one. The fact that she knew my name was even shocking.

“Zoe Pearson told me that you were going to be homeschooled because of how shy you are. Looks like she was just making stuff up. She’s such a liar, I don’t know why I believed her. Did you know she also said that over the summer she kissed Phil Lester? She was probably lying about that too. He didn’t even go to the same elementary school as us because he lives on the other side of town. I don’t think she even knows him, she probably only said that because she heard the rumors about how hot he is. I know him though. I saw him at Jason’s halloween party last year. Honestly he’s not even that good looking, it’s all hype. I have a feeling she started that rumor too. She’s such an attention hog. Do you think she’s an attention hog?”

Even in sixth grade Jess couldn’t stop rambling about other people’s gossip. I had barely comprehended what she said after the part about me being shy. Did everyone really think I was going to be homeschooled? Did everyone think I’m that lonely? Now that we were joining with the other elementary school in middle school I thought that I might have been able to branch out and make friends. How was I supposed to that if there were already rumors about me? 

Before I was able to answer the bus pulled up and Jess went over to sit by all of her friends. Meanwhile I sat in the back seat of the bus all by myself. On the whole ride no one bothered to sit by me, but I didn’t really mind because being alone had become the norm for me. 

The middle school was daunting. It was twice the size of my old school with twice the amount of students. Not to mention eighth graders were really scary. Rumor had it that some of the eighth graders would beat up the new sixth graders in the courtyard between classes. The thought of older kinds was enough to scare me out of my skin. I walked down the crowded hallways trying to make myself as close to invisible as possible. I just needed to make it to my locker then I could go to homeroom where everything would be fine. Unfortunately for me when I finally found my locker it was blocked by a group of sixth grade boys, some of whom I’ve never seen before. 

“Excuse me, can I get to my locker,” I politely asked one of the boys. All of the boys turned around and looked at me as if I had 5 heads. 

“Excuse me, can I get to my locker,” one of the boys mocked while the laughter of his cronies filled the bustling hallway. “Are you actually that posh?” he snickered.

“That’s just the way I talk,” I responded in a confused tone.

“Yeah he’s definitely posh. He thought he was too good for everyone back in elementary school. I’m surprised he’s even here. I heard from Zoe was to boarding school,” A boy named Mason who went to my old school stated.

At that point I wanted to just break down crying. I was already being mocked by people I didn’t know and I wasn’t even first period yet. “Look can I just get my books?” I practically beg the group squeaking through the monstrous lump in my throat. 

“Whatever,” One of them sighs pushing me back and leading the group away. It was a light push but enough to catch me off guard and send me too the floor. I would’ve started bawling right there if it weren’t for one of the boys with black hair and a shy, sympathetic smile.

“I’m sorry about them, they didn’t really mean any of that,” he apologized helping me off the ground and then catching up with his friends in the distance.

Middle school and the first two years of high school were like that. Everyday I would be incredibly awkward and then made fun of by boys who I don’t think ever learned my name until I started hanging out with their girlfriends. Now It’s back to that. Just great. 

When I get to the bus stop I’m not greeted by a Jess with curly hair and a flowery dress. Instead I stand there with a few underclassmen that I don’t even recognize. I get on the bus and brace myself for the day ahead which will probably be just like the first day of sixth grade. There’ll be some differences though, instead of calling me “posh” they’ll call me “gay” and the boy who helped me up will be the one getting knocked down.

When I get to school I do just what I did all those years ago: pretend to be invisible. I go to first period art early in order to avoid running into anyone. If I see the girls I’ll be called a boyfriend stealer and if I see the guys there will be a repeat of what happened many weeks ago, but with no Phil to save me. Luckily Ms. Hayes is at school early so I can go into the room and hide from everyone in halls.

“Hey Dan, you’re here early,” She says.

“Yeah, I need to talk,” I reply just coming clean.

“About what?” She replies, concerned. The last time I had a serious talk with her was back in sophomore year when I had no friends.

“Everyone hates me. I ruined all of my friendships because of a guy. It seemed worth it at the time, but it’s not okay now. I regret it. I really like him and he loves me back, but because of him all of my friends hate me.”

“Well, you can’t undo any of that. All of those relationships you had with your friends are ruined. If he says that he loves you then look on the bright side. You still have him. That’s one relationship that isn’t ruined.”

“Thanks for that.”

“Don’t worry you’ll be fine. Why don’t you take out your project and start working on it early? I might help you feel better.”

“Okay. Art does relax me,” I say preparing my things until I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. I read one message and all it says is:

Phil: **Come to the front of the school. Quick**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating until now. I was planning on updating over holiday break, but my parents surprised me with a vacation to the middle of nowhere where there was no wifi. Now I'm slacking on studying for midterms just to write this, but oh well. Hope you like this long overdue chapter!


End file.
